To the Next President of the English Literati Society of My School

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To the Next President of the English Literati Society of My School

Indeed you are.

Dear Mr./Ms. President,

I meant to write last March, but I never wanted to remember. In reading this letter, which you will only find as either derogatory or insightful, please bear in mind that these are not tips. Helping hasn’t always been part of my nature, and I will tell you that I am out of my braggadocio shell as I write this. So I hope that you manage to see past my ramblings and read on until the end. Most especially, I hope you get the message that I am trying to convey.

There is a saying that goes, “A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own”. Well, my friend, I’m going to tell you that you will be that wise man for I had been that fool.

None of my predecessors gave me any memo about the traumatic extracurricular that we call English Club. I’m never angry, sad, or frustrated about that, but I wish that I at least received a heads-up before I attempted something. I guess that that is the drive that allowed me to write to you. I came up with twenty things that may or may not help in your ventures. If you are skeptical, close this window right now because reading will never do you good. But if you are amused, go on, sir/madam, and comprehend the following pointers to heart.

  1. The campaign period is inevitable by the last week of June, and if you aren’t fast enough, it could just hit you in the face.
  2. Your smartest investment will be choosing nominees for club officers that are designated in the field of English and the arts. It’s what we call a win-win situation.
  3. During the orientation period, whore every building. No exceptions, and especially no “but’s”, for that is the place in which shit comes out of. And, trust your orientation group because they will be your only friends against the mean-spirited pricks of each different classroom.
  4. Whatever you decide to call the club – whether it be English and Arts, or English Schmucks, or E-Lite Society again, make sure everybody gets the name loud and clear – especially those teachers.
  5. Another heads-up for orientation week: try to be human. Mag-Tagalog din because, according to a teacher who tried to help me at the last minute, “the students are intimidated”, that’s why only a few kids are joining.
  6. Once the officers are elected, get to know one another for better communication. But while that is so, refrain from leniency. Trust me, too much of both will disinterest you. Be strict.
  7. Take suggestions from your officers, and make sure you get one instead of just complaints. Those officers might be good in English and the arts, but a nonsensical mind will make for a mediocre result. And because I didn’t get much of it last year, find support from those officers.
  8. In meetings, ALWAYS bring your club adviser, and ALWAYS ask your secretary to keep a record of what you have discussed.
  9. If one officer doesn’t want to have a club t-shirt it, but everyone else does, push through with it. If two officers don’t want it, then don’t do it. It’s going to be hard, and it will only show how adhesive the group is.
  10. Implement writing contests. We have a lot of students who very much excel in writing, but are not regarded for it. This is because our school does not publish a school paper nor does it indulge in nationwide high school writing contests – which is audibly odd for a private school.
  11. I don’t blame you if you don’t wish to continue The Beacon, our school newsletter. But if you do, I hope that you will be more persuasive than I ever was. Monitor the publication yourself. Never be a cliché in your choice of words. AND, make sure that thing comes out colored, for God’s sakes!
  12. Two sports news is enough – no matter what the authoritative figures tell you. You’re not writing a sports column now, are you?
  13. Never mind those jackasses who just want to make your blood boil by turning the newsletter into paper airplanes – this will happen, take it from me.
  14. A lot of people will always think that the English Club is boring because it connotes the English-speaking campaign – which, again, is inevitable. And apparently, speaking in English is “baduy”.
  15. In classroom competitions that involves your club, look for ways to secure that the deserving class wins. The first section cannot always win when another class deserves it more. This will set off the students’ ire – as was the case with our English speaking campaign last year.
  16. If there ever is a Thanksgiving presentation (I hope there wouldn’t be), best believe that whatever the Powers That Be tell you, fact is this: the pre-school and elementary pupils do not care. It’s the high school students who give a damn.
  17. No one wants to watch another play for the Christmas program. Innovate – I’m sure you’re better at this than I am.
  18. If there’s “not enough time”, heads up, my friend: make time. Do that and I guarantee that you will never be placed in the same humiliation that I had endured just before the holidays.
  19. We seem to have lost the theatrical art that I used to enjoy in our alma mater. Whatever happened to the speech fest? Try to get it onstage, probably during one of those dull days in foundation week. If you can do that, I will forever applaud your bravado.
  20. Document EVERYTHING that the English Society does – most preferably with a camera. It will not only make for bragging rights – you also need it for the end-of-the-year scrapbook. But that’s another story.

Difficult? No, it’s actually quite simple. We just need you – the charismatic sonofawhore that will make the school a better haven for the liberal arts – and your genuine time and passion. There will be ups if you persevere, and a lot of downs if you are meek, as was the case with me.

But when it all comes down to one day in which you feel unsupported, betrayed, beat, or heavy with these burdens that we call “responsibility”, always remember that you are never in this alone. You have your officers, advisers, subject teachers, fellow club presidents, and most importantly, the voice of your classmates – however rude and insulting they may be. At least they’re being honest to your face.

The title that you have right now bears so much meaning, so much more when I finally stepped in it a year ago. You may or may not have earned it. Some will hate you for being a complete douchebag for bearing that mark. At the end of the day, it’s just high school, man. No biggie?

Two years ago, before running as vice-president, I had fooled myself into thinking that I already had things sorted out. Unfortunately, because of the difficulties that our school has endowed on my ideas, I failed to deliver. I sincerely hope that that never happens to you, my friend.

I hope that this message gets to you, and that if you find it insightful or has helped you in any way during your term, that you pass it on to your successor. If it never did you any good, you are free to trash talk this letter and shoot me in broad daylight for ruining all the plans that never involved the aforementioned. In high spirits, I hope you have a successful and prosperous term.

I sincerely wish you luck in all your endeavors.

Yours truly,
X Kat Punk X, Club President
English Literati Society
SY 2011 – 2012

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