Tag Archives: Brock Lesnar

Why I Boycott Jack TV

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It’s summer again.

You might be wondering where I’ve been.

I graduated. From high school. That suck of an institution, in reality. Been on a Stephen King frenzy. I’ve only really read him last summer, but it seems that all I want to do now is buy all his works. I just finished Different Seasons, and I’m just starting in on Blaze. I’d probably proceed to Dolores Claiborne. I don’t know what’s up with me. Don’t know what’s up with this blog. Or with music. Or with today’s literature. Or even with wrestling.

That last one strikes such a bad chord. Two months ago, Jack TV removed WWE from their network. At first, it was just a “satellite-thing”. But then weeks piled up and everyone lost all hope. You should see their Facebook page – it is completely littered with WWE fans ranting about the loss of the program and the establishment of seemingly suckish shows that could never get Jack ratings. 

I don’t think Jack TV will bring back WWE. With Walking Dead, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Family Guy on their team, I’m rooting for FOX now. They already released a teaser for WWE. I’ve been rather hopeful. But it’s taking too long. Yesterday, out of sentimental reasons, I actually turned the pages of my December 2010 copy of the WWE Magazine to the Body Shop and worked out like Dolph Ziggler, thinking, I just want to watch wrestling on my goddamn cable, goddamnit.

Anyway, I’m keeping track of the events that I have missed since WWE was unjustly torn off my cable. Lots of props to Jack TV for this.

 

Whatever happened to Eve and Zack Ryder?

The Miz on Psych

HBK’s “return”

Santino Marella winning the United States Championship

CENA/ROCK BATTLE

PUNK/JERICHO WAR

Eve’s heel turn, of course

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny

UNDERTAKER VS. TRIPLE H VS. HBK

WRESTLEfuckingMANIA!!121212!!@@!@!@!!!

Lord Tensai?

BROCK LESNAR’S RETURN

That’s about it. Fuck Jack TV.

 

 

Wrestling 101 Courtesy of CM Punk Part III

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Looks like RAW makes The Straight Edge Society extremely happy!

 

So what happens when CM Punk comes to Monday Night RAW to take part in the celebration of the show’s 900th episode? To hell with the celebration, that’s for sure! Thank goodness, he came to open our eyes to this atrociousness instilled to us by RAW superstars! The following is his illumination (take down notes).

Tonight I’ve taken it upon myself to show you, people, four of the worst most atrocious acts committed on Monday Night RAW by RAW superstars. They’re not pretty. Tonight I am RAW‘s judge, jury, and executioner, and I give you Exhibit A: Property Damage.

It’s people acting like animals
. I give you Exhibit B: Irresponsible and Reckless behavior.

It’s poor sportsmanship
. But I digress, and I give you Exhibit C: Trespassing.


And last, and certainly least of my humble opinion, I give you Exhibit D: For Dumb, Excessive Use of Alcohol Via Fire-Hose.

Let me show you just one more clip and leave on a high note. This however is a clip from a really, really good show. It’s called SmackDown!.


I could watch that clip over and over. I could watch that clip again and again. Because it represents everything I could never ever be. First of all, it represents being criminally obese. I don’t know who the other guy was but Big Show’s so big that he breaks an entire ring.

CM Punk did get interrupted (why does he always get interrupted?!) by The Big Show tried to be entertaining by imitating Hulk Hogan and looking for a high-five to Punk. And since CM Punk wouldn’t succumb to The Big Show’s sweetness (come on, Punk, the fat-joke does sound a little mean when you think about it…), Show made t a point to use that big hand of his.

Still, no matter what may happen or how big the opposition is, we still have to stick to our roots and follow CM Punk’s adage:

You want mean? What did you say – high five? There is nothing high about the Straight Edge Society. And that’s what makes us better than you.

Class dismissed.