Two indie schmucks who didn’t turn out so bad. Best technical wrestlers around, in my opinion. Need I say more?
First thing Monday morning – I turned on the television to Jack TV’s live telecast of WWE TLC. I have to wonder why Dre would want to pass up on it. I thought the lineup was good. John Cena wasn’t on the show, which was odd because before, a lot of people – and I mean A LOT – paid good money to see him in the main events. Anyway, with that quick verity in check, I put the telly on display like I would a radio, heard the Philippines mentioned by Michael Cole, and in a span of three hours, we had our CHAMPIONS crowned.
1. United States Champion (Woo-nited States Champion): Zack Ryder
Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder. This match. Zack’s kewl and Dolph’s sexy. I like both guys, so I found the match rather interesting. Not to mention, the fans in Baltimore were totally hyped the entire night. I remember retweeting Zack’s “@DolphZiggler Tonight at TLC I will #fistpumpyourface” before the show began. There would have been a riot had Zack lost. So who better come out victorious but the Long Island Iced Z himself, Zack Ryder? WOO WOO WOO YOU KNOW IT BRO!!! It takes sheer hardwork and one social media revolution to make this well-deserved Crimmus miracle happen. Here’s Zack’s dad telling the whole world of how proud he is of our favorite new US champion. So are we, Papa Broski.
2. WWE Tag Team Champions: Air Boom
I did appreciate Michael Cole dictating a rundown of why Air Boom was bound to face Primo and Epico at TLC because I really have no clue how this happened. Did this all set in motion in SmackDown! (because I’m not much of a SmackDown!-guy)? I’m guessing that I just haven’t been paying much attention to the tag team division these days. We need more, please. Anyway, heard Air Boom’s great. Hooray, Kofi and Evan!
3. Divas Champion: Beth Phoenix
THAT’S RIGHT, YOU GO SISTAH! And was it just me or were Kelly Kelly fans completely dead during this match? Whatever. We all love Beth, and Beth’s fans are solid, yo. Hope she stays champion for the longest time because she’s amazing and because I wouldn’t want any of Kelly’s cohorts as champions. Eve better turn on the dark side because I like her as well, and WE JUST CAN’T HAVE HER NEXT TO KELLYasdfghjkl;
4. World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan
I really like Bryan Danielson and his massive Internet fanbase. Shame on you Michael Cole because here is your Heavyweight Champion!!!111! That’s right! And just so you know, I never paid attention to the Big Show vs. Mark Henry match until Bryan Danielson’s entrance song came up, and I found him running to the ring with his MITB briefcase. And just like that, SHOW’S OVER – even though he never really cashed in the briefcase at Wrestlemania like he said he would. But hey, plans change, it happens all the time. Hooray for Daniel Bryan and ha-ha on those who thought he could never make it as far. I smell a giant under loose for the title though.
5. Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes
What the hell. He had a match?! I’M KEPT IN THE DARK!
6. WWE Champion: CM Punk
Well la-di-da. Of course, here is your WWE Champion, CM PUNK. Best match of the night, in my opinion. I mean, he was handcuffed twice – and one of those was to a turnbuckle – and he escaped BOTH times! It was a brutal match. And Punk survived it all. And he’s STILL our WWE Champion, so ha-ha on you and your dethronement attempts, Funkman. And with this, CM Punk leads a revolution with his friends.
So what’s going to happen when you’ve got two so-called “indy schmucks” on top of the WWE food chain? Seeing the main event picture on last night’s RAW made me guffaw just a bit. On one side, we had CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Zack Ryder, and on another were Miz, Del Rio, and Dolph Ziggler. So… this is what had become of the WWE. Very nice. I have a feeling that we’re not going to see much of the Cena’s and Triple H’s and Rock’s in the season.
Kudos to independent wrestling. NYWC. ROH. GLORY. Take over.
Edge and Christian make me extremely happy. Their meet at the Slammy’s was highly amusing. Edge didn’t like his award. Christian thought del Rio should have received it. This photo is too beautiful to just keep on my Tumblr account. D’oh, yes, I have a Tumblr account now. For months, I’ve been haunted with the decision of creating an account as such. Bet seems to get the hang of it. I, on the other hand, didn’t seem to know what I’d put in it once I do get an account. But soon enough, I found the light. My motive for that one is to post photos of past and current WWE heels, just for the heck of it. It’s sort of fascinating actually. I gained around twenty-five followers on the first two days that I started. I like my first days in Tumblr.
But I love this blog.
And I wrote that with a straight face. Can you imagine saying/writing the word ‘love’ with a straight face? That’s badass.
Here is the list of winners for the 2010 Slammy Awards (it’s ages late, I know):
- Superstar of the Year: John Cena (wow, *big surprise* there, buddy – considering that it’s been a hellacious year for you. Have I mentioned that he got fired?)
- Diva of the Year: Michelle McCool (what happened to the “Lay” part? >_>)
- WWE Moment of the Year: The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XXVI
- WWE “Oh Snap” Meltdown of the Year: Edge destroys the anonymous GM’s computer
- Shocker of the Year: The Nexus debuts
- Despicable Me Award: CM Punk sings Happy Birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter
- Holy %&^*%& of the Year: John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment on Batista through the stage
- Guest Star Shining Moment: Pee-wee Herman vs. The Miz (REALLY INFINITY, ftw!!!!!1111!!!11!!!1!)
- Knucklehead Moment of the Year: Lay-Cool gets beat by Mae Young
- WWE Universe Fan Reaction: “Angry Miz Girl” Cayley (lucky kid. She’s already appeared on RAW TWICE)
- “And I Quote…” Line of the Year: Michael Cole (I’m sure)
And here are the supplementary awards that I think you should also know of:
- Best Performance by a Winged Specimen: Monday Night Raw chicken
- Most Menacing Haircut: Tyler Reks
- Best Family Values: Kane destroys Jack Swagger Sr. as his son looks on
- Superstar/Diva Most in Need of Makeup: Sheamus (hey, now Sheamus has an award!)
- The “Cole in Your Stocking” Award: Daniel Bryan attacks Michael Cole on WWE NXT (I love that. We had a blog entry for that. c:)
- Outstanding Achievement in Baby Oil Application: “Dashing” Cody Rhodes (not Randy Orton?! D:)
- Frequent Tweeter Award: Goldust
- Best WWE.com Exclusive TV Show: WWE NXT (What?! RAW was robbed!)
- Most Annoying Catchphrase: Zack Ryder for “Woo, woo, woo, you know it.” (which is NOT really annoying)
I’ve been watching WWE Bragging Rights for at least three times now – one of which was cut short because of this certain TV network’s temporary loss of signal. >___> Brand vs. Brand pay-per-views are always so intriguing; I never miss any. I am surprised, by the way, that there would still be a Survivor Series. But to heck with it: the more the merrier! Here are the things that you may actually check out if ever you get the chance to watch (and enjoy) Bragging Rights:
- Aksana flirting with Ted DiBiase.
- Goldust still taking home (he stole it, actually. I love you, Dustin) the Million Dollar Championship.
- Dolph Ziggler losing (that’s right) to Daniel Bryan (from the immortal words of Matt Striker, “it’s in your face”, Michael Cole).
- John Cena and David Otunga actually teaming up against Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre for the Tag Team Gold.
- John Cena and David Otunga actually winning the Tag Team Championships.
- David Otunga celebrating his heart out.
- John Cena giving David Otunga the AA.
- Edge pinning The Miz to end the SmackDown! vs. RAW match.
- SmackDown! receiving the Bragging Rights trophy.
- Rey Mysterio, Edge and Hornswoggle rejoicing in the ring.
- Matt Striker rejoicing by the announcer’s table.
- Surprisingly, the Buried Alive Match was obsolete.
- John Cena on Wade Barrett’s side against Orton.
- John Cena getting Wade Barrett disqualified on the WWE Championship Match.
- Randy Orton giving John Cena the RKO.
Happy Halloween, people! And belated Happy Birthday to Edge!
It started with Batista, followed by CM Punk, and now we have The Miz. That’s odd, it seems like our superstars want us to learn so much more about the business – they just keep coming in, like the new GM’s e-mails. The difference though, is that while this mysterious general manager irks me immensely, I learn a great deal from our teaching superstars. Here is a touching success story from The Miz. Jot down notes (I am sure you will be inspired).
My name is Mike Mizanin, and I have no right to be here. At least that’s what they told me six years ago when I first started. After all, I was the lowest form of life in the planet: a reality TV star, so it’s no surprise that in order to break out in the WWE, I had to start at the bottom. I had to start in a competition where I was a competitor on Tough Enough. Good looking guy, huh? Oh yeah. I did whatever I had to do to get a job here. So I became the host of SmackDown!. Instead of asking me to leave, you were telling me to leave. But I didn’t. I stuck around, and I won the Tag Team with John Morrison. And I thought I made it but no! You all said John Morrison was the star; I was just the sidekick. But we did split and what happened? Huh? What happened?! Anyone?! Anyone at all know?! I became the United States Champion! But that still wasn’t good enough for you. You all called it a fluke! Then what happened?! I’ll give you a hint: I won Money in the Bank, which leads me to this. Drum roll please.
You cant deny it. You can’t hide from it. You all watching right now here and on TV have no choice but to admit the fact that you are wrong. ‘Cause I’m The Miz, and I have earned – earned the right to say that I’m awesome!!!
It would have ended fine if Daniel Bryan hadn’t come out to challenge Miz at Night of Champions (aw, buzz-kill!). Things always seem to end badly with our teachers.
I can’t believe so many things can happen in just one night! After the many, many, many injuries acquired from such matches at Over the Limit, RAW kicks off with the pained Batista, who again will be our trusty adviser in this edition of Wrestling 101. Oh sauveur, we will be utterly lost without your guidance.
Last night, Batista said two words that I never ever thought would come out of my mouth: I quit. But I said that because my life was being threatened. So because of John Cena’s malicious actions, I’m contemplating – I’m contemplating filing a lawsuit against John Cena. Also against the WWE. And also, against every fan in the WWE Universe for supporting what happened to me! That’s not the way a championship match is supposed to happen! Duct tape. Getting thrown off of cars. Yeah I can stoop on John Lena – John Cena’s low level. But I believe in something called honor. So now, because of multiple injuries, I’m out for weeks, months, maybe years! That’s, that’s not right. That’s not right. Cheer now ’cause I’ll be back healthier then ever, stronger than ever, and one way or another, John Cena is going to give me a rematch! I deserve a rematch! I’m entitled to a rematch! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN Hey! Hey! I HAVE JUST BEEN ASKED TO INTRODUCE TO YOU Why’d you interrupt me? THE NEW GENERAL MANAGER OF MONDAY NIGHT RAW What’s happening? BRET “THE HITMAN” HART!
Badass Bret manages to enter the ring and assign Batista to a match against Randy Orton that night. But because our adviser was on a wheelchair (“What’s your malfunction [Bret Hart]?”), and had been explaining about his injury, Mr. Hart easily proclaimed the match a forfeit. Winner: Randy Orton! Then like Anton Ego, he walks out without another word. Well, he did manage to make Batista do just one more thing…
This show is nothing without me! That’s right, it’s nothing without me! It will go bankrupt without me! All of you will be so bored you’ll never watch this show again! You all pay to see me! You think I won’t quit? You think I won’t do it?!
Hilarious. Genuinely, I’ll miss The Animal though.
Other amusing things that happened on RAW:
- Bret Hart making the Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. John Cena match (in where Edge made it clear, “I’m a better Canadian than both of you!”)
- Sexy Sheamus beating Mark Henry to be part of the WWE Championship Match at Fatal Fourway.
- Randy Orton qualifying for Fatal Fourway without even doing anything!
- Bret Hart putting his newly-won US title up for grabs.
- R-Truth becomes the new United States Champion (remember when he got pyroed in the MacGruber episode?).
- Mystery trio making an ambush on The Hart Dynasty.
- Ted DiBiase on Jon Lovitz’s WWE Superstar Search!
Daniel Bryan stomping on Michael Cole. Again, wrong show. And that was last week!
This has to be the best NXT episode ever. I cannot believe that Daniel Bryan actually put his foot right in Michael Cole’s face. And I thought Bryan was an angel! He even called Mr. Vintage a “parrot”. Wow. Insulting. Well, this only means one thing…
… someone’s pressing charges! 😀
Just watch the video here. I waited an hour for this one to load. But it switched to another video before I could even play the whole thing. Just saying.