Tag Archives: Dolph Ziggler

Why I Boycott Jack TV

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It’s summer again.

You might be wondering where I’ve been.

I graduated. From high school. That suck of an institution, in reality. Been on a Stephen King frenzy. I’ve only really read him last summer, but it seems that all I want to do now is buy all his works. I just finished Different Seasons, and I’m just starting in on Blaze. I’d probably proceed to Dolores Claiborne. I don’t know what’s up with me. Don’t know what’s up with this blog. Or with music. Or with today’s literature. Or even with wrestling.

That last one strikes such a bad chord. Two months ago, Jack TV removed WWE from their network. At first, it was just a “satellite-thing”. But then weeks piled up and everyone lost all hope. You should see their Facebook page – it is completely littered with WWE fans ranting about the loss of the program and the establishment of seemingly suckish shows that could never get Jack ratings. 

I don’t think Jack TV will bring back WWE. With Walking Dead, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Family Guy on their team, I’m rooting for FOX now. They already released a teaser for WWE. I’ve been rather hopeful. But it’s taking too long. Yesterday, out of sentimental reasons, I actually turned the pages of my December 2010 copy of the WWE Magazine to the Body Shop and worked out like Dolph Ziggler, thinking, I just want to watch wrestling on my goddamn cable, goddamnit.

Anyway, I’m keeping track of the events that I have missed since WWE was unjustly torn off my cable. Lots of props to Jack TV for this.

 

Whatever happened to Eve and Zack Ryder?

The Miz on Psych

HBK’s “return”

Santino Marella winning the United States Championship

CENA/ROCK BATTLE

PUNK/JERICHO WAR

Eve’s heel turn, of course

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny

UNDERTAKER VS. TRIPLE H VS. HBK

WRESTLEfuckingMANIA!!121212!!@@!@!@!!!

Lord Tensai?

BROCK LESNAR’S RETURN

That’s about it. Fuck Jack TV.

 

 

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Why We Shouldn’t Rise Above Hate (Life According to Kane)

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Keep away from the big, red, hateful man.

Kane is back. He’s totally badass again (he has a mask!). And for the past weeks, Kane, for some reason, has been at John Cena’s heels. This week, not only did he divulge his motive, but he also enlightened us about life, tackling the topic of “hate”. Why is it okay? Why do we do it? OMG, so much to learn! Here’s what he had to say (you can quote him on it):

You asked them to ‘rise above hate’, but that’s a fallacy. This world is a dark dark place. It’s okay to hate. Humans are hateful by nature. Deep down, eveybody hates. Why rise above it when the natural impulse is to embrace it, to let it consume you? People hate. They hate their bosses. They hate their neighbors. They hate their spouses. They hate their miserable existence. Rise above? That’s a fraudulent myth perpetuated by you! Hate is the seed from which we are all born. It drives us. It motivates us. It fuels our impulses. And I know that you feel it, John. You feel it swimming underneath your skin like a thousand insects eating away at you. But once you embrace the hate, you become honest with yourself. You become free. Free. What you fail to realize, John, is that with your denial, you grow weaker by the moment. And until you embrace that which you deny, you can never be truly free.

Aw, Kane wasn’t so bad after all. He even offered Cena a path to enlightenment. Who knows, maybe Cena would eventually side with this new, mask, slow-speaking, never-smiling Kane. I’d like to see that happen.

RAW was great this week. It always is when they’re in a sold-out Chicago stadium. Wishful thinking: I would someday like to be part of that crowd. For the meantime, I’m leaving you with a backstage interview of the very hot Dolph Ziggler as he muses about his win against CM Punk, 2012, and Rubik’s cubes. Watch it here.

AND HERE ARE YOUR CHAMPIONS…!!!

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First thing Monday morning – I turned on the television to Jack TV’s live telecast of WWE TLC. I have to wonder why Dre would want to pass up on it. I thought the lineup was good. John Cena wasn’t on the show, which was odd because before, a lot of people – and I mean A LOT – paid good money to see him in the main events. Anyway, with that quick verity in check, I put the telly on display like I would a radio, heard the Philippines mentioned by Michael Cole, and in a span of three hours, we had our CHAMPIONS crowned.

Very likely.

1. United States Champion (Woo-nited States Champion): Zack Ryder

Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder. This match. Zack’s kewl and Dolph’s sexy. I like both guys, so I found the match rather interesting. Not to mention, the fans in Baltimore were totally hyped the entire night. I remember retweeting Zack’s “@DolphZiggler Tonight at TLC I will #fistpumpyourface” before the show began. There would have been a riot had Zack lost. So who better come out victorious but the Long Island Iced Z himself, Zack Ryder? WOO WOO WOO YOU KNOW IT BRO!!! It takes sheer hardwork and one social media revolution to make this well-deserved Crimmus miracle happen. Here’s Zack’s dad telling the whole world of how proud he is of our favorite new US champion. So are we, Papa Broski.

2. WWE Tag Team Champions: Air Boom

I did appreciate Michael Cole dictating a rundown of why Air Boom was bound to face Primo and Epico at TLC because I really have no clue how this happened. Did this all set in motion in SmackDown! (because I’m not much of a SmackDown!-guy)? I’m guessing that I just haven’t been paying much attention to the tag team division these days. We need more, please. Anyway, heard Air Boom’s great. Hooray, Kofi and Evan!

3. Divas Champion: Beth Phoenix

THAT’S RIGHT, YOU GO SISTAH! And was it just me or were Kelly Kelly fans completely dead during this match? Whatever. We all love Beth, and Beth’s fans are solid, yo. Hope she stays champion for the longest time because she’s amazing and because I wouldn’t want any of Kelly’s cohorts as champions. Eve better turn on the dark side because I like her as well, and WE JUST CAN’T HAVE HER NEXT TO KELLYasdfghjkl;

4. World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan

I really like Bryan Danielson and his massive Internet fanbase. Shame on you Michael Cole because here is your Heavyweight Champion!!!111! That’s right! And just so you know, I never paid attention to the Big Show vs. Mark Henry match until Bryan Danielson’s entrance song came up, and I found him running to the ring with his MITB briefcase. And just like that, SHOW’S OVER – even though he never really cashed in the briefcase at Wrestlemania like he said he would. But hey, plans change, it happens all the time. Hooray for Daniel Bryan and ha-ha on those who thought he could never make it as far. I smell a giant under loose for the title though.

5. Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes

What the hell. He had a match?! I’M KEPT IN THE DARK!

6. WWE Champion: CM Punk

Well la-di-da. Of course, here is your WWE Champion, CM PUNK. Best match of the night, in my opinion. I mean, he was handcuffed twice – and one of those was to a turnbuckle – and he escaped BOTH times! It was a brutal match. And Punk survived it all. And he’s STILL our WWE Champion, so ha-ha on you and your dethronement attempts, Funkman. And with this, CM Punk leads a revolution with his friends.

So what’s going to happen when you’ve got two so-called “indy schmucks” on top of the WWE food chain? Seeing the main event picture on last night’s RAW made me guffaw just a bit. On one side, we had CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Zack Ryder, and on another were Miz, Del Rio, and Dolph Ziggler. So… this is what had become of the WWE. Very nice. I have a feeling that we’re not going to see much of the Cena’s and Triple H’s and Rock’s in the season.

Kudos to independent wrestling. NYWC. ROH. GLORY. Take over.

Muppet Sightings!

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The Muppets came to RAW this week, which, I think, was one of the best things that happened on the show. If you missed the show, here are a few Muppet sightings that cannot be missed.

  • Miss Piggy calling Jack Swagger “Frankenstein”
  • Kermit assuming Vickie Guerrero to be Jack Swagger’s “mother”
  • An “Excuse Me” with matching chest-shoving bout between the original diva, Miss Piggy and Vickie Guerrero
  • Kelly Kelly planting a smooch on Kermit while Miss Piggy grew livid
  • Sheamus saving Beaker from Christian
  • Sheamus asking Beaker to say hi to a certain Aunt Teresa because he “can’t make the family reunion this year” (we always knew it)
  • Christian still carrying Beaker’s beaker when he was already walking away from the scene
  • SHEAMUS STYLING BEAKER’S HAIR SHEAMUS-STYLE!
  • Statler and Waldorf getting exclusive seats on RAW (and Michael Cole getting repulsed by their uncanny likeness to King and JR)
  • Gonzo getting his arm pulled out by Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero’s evil laughter haunting behind)
  • Fozzie believing that he had seen a wrestler so huge that he has his own zip code
  • Animal as special timekeeper was so cute!
  • Beaker finally handing Santino the “special formula” that Dr. Bunsen Honeydew concocted, allowing Santino to win his match against Swagger
  • HORNSWOGGLE GETTING A MOVE ON MISS PIGGY
  • Cody Rhodes bagging Kermit the Frog
  • Miss Piggy checking out John Morrison’s six-pack

And so much more. Great turn of events for RAW this week. John Cena even got to take home a Scream mask after all. But, my favorite was when CM Punk locked the Anaconda Vise on Alberto del Rio after informing del Rio that he, in fact will. He’s an awesome man, that CM Punk.

Alberto, I need you to comprehend this. I know you’re a little discombobulated right now, but I need you to process what’s about to happen to you. What’s about to happen to you is I’m going to ask you a question. It’s a simple yes or no answer, but I have a feeling that you are going to say yes because prior to me asking you this question, I’m going to twist you like a pretzel into a move that I’d like to call the Anaconda Vise so are you with me? Can you hear me? And I’m not gonna let go until you say yes or si to giving me my match at Survivor Series.

Who Earned Their Bragging Rights?

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I’ve been watching WWE Bragging Rights for at least three times now – one of which was cut short because of this certain TV network’s temporary loss of signal. >___> Brand vs. Brand pay-per-views are always so intriguing; I never miss any. I am surprised, by the way, that there would still be a Survivor Series. But to heck with it: the more the merrier! Here are the things that you may actually check out if ever you get the chance to watch (and enjoy) Bragging Rights:

  • Aksana flirting with Ted DiBiase.
  • Goldust still taking home (he stole it, actually. I love you, Dustin) the Million Dollar Championship.
  • Dolph Ziggler losing (that’s right) to Daniel Bryan (from the immortal words of Matt Striker, “it’s in your face”, Michael Cole).
  • John Cena and David Otunga actually teaming up against Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre for the Tag Team Gold.
  • John Cena and David Otunga actually winning the Tag Team Championships.
  • David Otunga celebrating his heart out.
  • John Cena giving David Otunga the AA.
  • Edge pinning The Miz to end the SmackDown! vs. RAW match.
  • SmackDown! receiving the Bragging Rights trophy.
  • Rey Mysterio, Edge and Hornswoggle rejoicing in the ring.
  • Matt Striker rejoicing by the announcer’s table.
  • Surprisingly, the Buried Alive Match was obsolete.
  • John Cena on Wade Barrett’s side against Orton.
  • John Cena getting Wade Barrett disqualified on the WWE Championship Match.
  • Randy Orton giving John Cena the RKO.

Happy Halloween, people! And belated Happy Birthday to Edge!