Tag Archives: leaving everything behind

I’d Like to Think

Standard

The song that pervaded my existence when I awoke this morning opened with, “On the days of my youth, I was told what it means to be a man. Now I’ve reached that age, I’ve tried to do all those things the best I can”. And while I can never relate to the rest of the lyrics, those opening words remain true this evening. I have had my “Good Times, Bad Times”, and those can never be refracted by memory. Perhaps I’ve even come close to embracing them – even the ‘bad’ part. Cheesy? I bet. Well, tomorrow, I go to college.

Prior this writing, I had all the intentions to freshen my pulsing mind; to sleep (as I didn’t get much chance to do this summer, hence the massive amount of acne that has again infiltrated my face). I am now replenished, hungrier, as though nothing can bother me – not even the fact that, this morning, I ran into someone who had caused a sour taste in my mouth.

But, of course, this also was followed by an unexpected run into another someone who I have not seen for a long time. And, well, that was a sweet thing that made me happy, for what it’s worth.

I would presume that this entry will be a short one. I wouldn’t wish to go back to those entries that I had once deemed thoughtful and beautiful. Doing that would completely obstruct this PMA-train-of-thought. Because, before, I liked talking about feelings, and emotions; repetitious words and thinking. I wish to see/read less of it. It’s like what Rocco and the McManus brothers argued about in The Boondock Saints II:

Fuck it! Do it all I say! Do you think Duke Wayne spent all of his time talking about his feelings with a fuckin’ therapist?
There’s no fucking way he did!
John Wayne died with five pounds of undigested red meat in his ass. Now that’s a man! Real men hide their feelings. Why?
Because it’s none of your fuckin’ business!

So, with all the emotive factors aside, the sole purpose of this writing was to write something beautiful, an ending to all prose and shit; a little less than a tearful goodbye. And while that is not even coming into view, I’d still like to keep all previous writing. A reminder of the fourteen-, fifteen-, and sixteen-year old versions of myself. I seem to like that. Maybe someday I’ll take a look back and reflect on who I am now, today, as of this writing, albeit I’ll never stay like this for so long. But I’d like to remember. Why else did I proceed with this blog?

I just can’t explain to you right now how anxious and excited I feel thinking about tomorrow, what it shall bring forth and mean to my life. It’s a different juju. Like, I never anticipated it this summer, yet I am thrilled to see what it’s all about anyway. I’d like to know what I’m made of, how much stronger I’ve become from those things that never killed me.

I’m pulling off the same thing that CM Punk did in the latter days of his blogging life. Because, as I said, this feeling is different. And no other words can explain it. All the sensation is in the song alone.

NIGHT TRAIN//The Bouncing Souls

Goodbye to me and you
Goodbye to the life we knew
One last long embrace
Let go and walk on through

I’m leaving everything behind for a peace that I can’t find
The ghosts that roam this house
like winter air right through our souls
And it feels like dying
It just feels like time to go

Goin down south to dream another dream
Maybe check out Memphis, Tennessee
Take the night train and an extra pair of jeans
Can’t think of anything else I really need
And all my experiences ride with me

This town is dead to me
And I can’t stop chasing my dreams
I love you more than anything
but what you want I could never be
I love you more than anything
but only alone can we both be free

Goodbye to me and you
Goodbye to the life we knew
Wipe the tears from your eyes
Let go and walk on through

Advertisements