Tag Archives: Shawn Michaels

Why I Boycott Jack TV

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It’s summer again.

You might be wondering where I’ve been.

I graduated. From high school. That suck of an institution, in reality. Been on a Stephen King frenzy. I’ve only really read him last summer, but it seems that all I want to do now is buy all his works. I just finished Different Seasons, and I’m just starting in on Blaze. I’d probably proceed to Dolores Claiborne. I don’t know what’s up with me. Don’t know what’s up with this blog. Or with music. Or with today’s literature. Or even with wrestling.

That last one strikes such a bad chord. Two months ago, Jack TV removed WWE from their network. At first, it was just a “satellite-thing”. But then weeks piled up and everyone lost all hope. You should see their Facebook page – it is completely littered with WWE fans ranting about the loss of the program and the establishment of seemingly suckish shows that could never get Jack ratings. 

I don’t think Jack TV will bring back WWE. With Walking Dead, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Family Guy on their team, I’m rooting for FOX now. They already released a teaser for WWE. I’ve been rather hopeful. But it’s taking too long. Yesterday, out of sentimental reasons, I actually turned the pages of my December 2010 copy of the WWE Magazine to the Body Shop and worked out like Dolph Ziggler, thinking, I just want to watch wrestling on my goddamn cable, goddamnit.

Anyway, I’m keeping track of the events that I have missed since WWE was unjustly torn off my cable. Lots of props to Jack TV for this.

 

Whatever happened to Eve and Zack Ryder?

The Miz on Psych

HBK’s “return”

Santino Marella winning the United States Championship

CENA/ROCK BATTLE

PUNK/JERICHO WAR

Eve’s heel turn, of course

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny

UNDERTAKER VS. TRIPLE H VS. HBK

WRESTLEfuckingMANIA!!121212!!@@!@!@!!!

Lord Tensai?

BROCK LESNAR’S RETURN

That’s about it. Fuck Jack TV.

 

 

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Would You Like Some WWE Merchandise with That, Sir?

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It makes me kewl doing this.

Yea, 'cause it's kewl like that.

Looking for WWE merchandise in my country will frustrate you. I don’t know about the adults but for teens like me, yes, it gets a little discouraging. They’re nowhere to be found. And if I do know where to unearth some (which, presently, I don’t), they’re either too far from where I am situated or they cost unjustly high. T-shirts are the ones that are gravely absent. I have three, but all of them are just customized. With my highly-increased love for WWE, of course, by now you’d assume that I want an original. The only chance I have of getting them is by ordering online – and I don’t even have any of that card shit. The ‘rents are satisfied with my love for wrestling (at least it’s not drugs, right?), but unless they stop tapering you down with those piercing, inquisitive pairs of eyes, I’d say that borrowing from the authorities of this house would also seem unlikely – if that’s what you’re suggesting.

The other day, as I was strolling around the department store for my usual window-shopping, I actually found a rack of WWE T-shirts. Akin to the ones I have, they were custom-made as well – with irritating pictures of Batista (who everyone in my country loves for some reason unknown to me) at the front. And here’s the sadder part: they were at the little boys’ section. Then way over there, just across the room were UFC T-shirts, intended for the bigger men. I grieve at the remembrance of it. And most salespeople actually find it outlandish every time I sort through these T-shirts or inquire about them. Some time though, at the mall, while I was wearing my Edge T-shirt (yes, the one I got on our Christmas party), I passed by this college guy who was sporting a Randy Orton T-shirt. An Authentic Randy Orton T-shirt. I was awed by that individual’s presence, and tainted with mine. I’d suppose that he perhaps had it ordered online.

Then there’s WWE Magazine. Having started my collection at the age of eleven, I could say that I have plenty of them now. Back then, I used to purchase them at this store who vend on damned prices. And the prices vary to – depending on I don’t know what. Two weeks’ savings would easily go out only for those publications. The shop closed down, just so you know. No one’s buying there anyway apart from me. I thought that that was the end of my collection until I found a bookstore that was sold the magazines at a reasonable charge. They were back issues – nevertheless, there began my back issue mania. I was addicted. It wasn’t long before the bookstore stopped selling WWE Magazines. I was distraught. For a while, I was contented with just the television and the Internet, until just the other day when I went to that bookstore once more – and saw the June 2009 issue of WWE Magazine on display! I honestly thought that my magazines were back. I searched and I searched. And I searched. And I searched. And then I finally asked the clerk. And he told me the most upsetting thing: that the one on display is the only WWE Magazine they have. And the worse part was that I already have that. And that they’re selling the magazines ten pesos higher.

The VCD’s and DVD’s also seemed to have gone. I used to buy the pay-per-views on VCD. But I can’t find them wherever anymore. And the books are also painful to think about because unless you choose to travel an hour or more to the big cities and bigger malls (with your parents of course since you are only fifteen), you wouldn’t get to discover Shawn Michaels’s Heartbreak and Triumph or Mick Foley’s The Hardcore Diaries. And even then, you’d still be spending a month’s allowance on just one book. I’ve never tried it (every time I endeavor to do so, one of my travel companions will be bothered with my choice). The same goes for the action figures. Even though the toys have been outdated, I’m wholly at ease with my benefactor. I only wish though that they had Sheamus and CM Punk back in 2004. Maybe then I would have a likelihood of receiving them one of these days.

So it appears that the only things I can get effortlessly are pins/buttons. Miniature, ugly, custom-built pins bearing hazy images of WWE superstars or divas. They usually sell those at my school – with another unreasonable price, might I add. And people would constantly gaze at me funny every time I take a look at those buttons – which is also one thing I dislike. Once, in Computer Class, I searched Google for pictures of Randy Orton (then Edge, then CM Punk) for my desktop background. I got a lot of stares from the people around me. Then I realized, that, of course, wrestlers are half-naked. And we all know how conservative we all are. The same thing happened when I first got my action figures. My Randy figure only has a shirt and his wrestling gear; my Flair figure only has his gear on. So, yes, they pretty much drew a lot of attention. Really, try showing them a picture of a guy in boxer shorts – no one’s going to freak out. But try showing them a picture such as this
– a lot will be freaked out. Sigh.

The sad fact is that: people in my school always think it eerie that girls can also be fond of the sport of wrestling. Heck, every time they learn that I like wrestling, they suddenly pop in the “Isn’t that scripted?” question. Well, screw you; I like it the way it is – regardless. Some, on the other hand would snide that WWE was a 2005 thing. Well, for you it is because you’re grandparents cut off your cable when you were nine years old so now you never get to watch it anymore. It’s still airing, in case you are perfectly oblivious to that fact. And then there are those guys, who used to watch WWE, and upon learning that I like wrestling, would try to “discuss”, and ask how Steve Austin and Goldberg are. WTF?!

So, seeing that this blog entry has gone deeper and faraway than I had intended it to be, I think it best that I stop. Aside from online friends and wrestling blogs, I am pretty much looking at a shithole, anyway, so there’s no point of making points. One of these days, I will get what I want. I already have the resources, I just need action. I can see that that WWE merchandise is just a hand away.

Slammy’s, Tumblr and Preoccupation

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Edge and Christian make me extremely happy. Their meet at the Slammy’s was highly amusing. Edge didn’t like his award. Christian thought del Rio should have received it. This photo is too beautiful to just keep on my Tumblr account. D’oh, yes, I have a Tumblr account now. For months, I’ve been haunted with the decision of creating an account as such. Bet seems to get the hang of it. I, on the other hand, didn’t seem to know what I’d put in it once I do get an account. But soon enough, I found the light. My motive for that one is to post photos of past and current WWE heels, just for the heck of it. It’s sort of fascinating actually. I gained around twenty-five followers on the first two days that I started. I like my first days in Tumblr.

But I love this blog.

And I wrote that with a straight face. Can you imagine saying/writing the word ‘love’ with a straight face? That’s badass.

Here is the list of winners for the 2010 Slammy Awards (it’s ages late, I know):

  • Superstar of the Year: John Cena (wow, *big surprise* there, buddy – considering that it’s been a hellacious year for you. Have I mentioned that he got fired?)
  • Diva of the Year: Michelle McCool (what happened to the “Lay” part? >_>)
  • WWE Moment of the Year: The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XXVI
  • WWE “Oh Snap” Meltdown of the Year: Edge destroys the anonymous GM’s computer
  • Shocker of the Year: The Nexus debuts
  • Despicable Me Award: CM Punk sings Happy Birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter
  • Holy %&^*%& of the Year: John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment on Batista through the stage
  • Guest Star Shining Moment: Pee-wee Herman vs. The Miz (REALLY INFINITY, ftw!!!!!1111!!!11!!!1!)
  • Knucklehead Moment of the Year: Lay-Cool gets beat by Mae Young
  • WWE Universe Fan Reaction: “Angry Miz Girl” Cayley (lucky kid. She’s already appeared on RAW TWICE)
  • “And I Quote…” Line of the Year: Michael Cole (I’m sure)

And here are the supplementary awards that I think you should also know of:

  • Best Performance by a Winged Specimen: Monday Night Raw chicken
  • Most Menacing Haircut: Tyler Reks
  • Best Family Values: Kane destroys Jack Swagger Sr. as his son looks on
  • Superstar/Diva Most in Need of Makeup: Sheamus (hey, now Sheamus has an award!)
  • The “Cole in Your Stocking” Award: Daniel Bryan attacks Michael Cole on WWE NXT (I love that. We had a blog entry for that. c:)
  • Outstanding Achievement in Baby Oil Application: “Dashing” Cody Rhodes (not Randy Orton?! D:)
  • Frequent Tweeter Award: Goldust
  • Best WWE.com Exclusive TV Show: WWE NXT (What?! RAW was robbed!)
  • Most Annoying Catchphrase: Zack Ryder for “Woo, woo, woo, you know it.” (which is NOT really annoying)

Edge vs. GM

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This is war.

So who would win in an argument between Edge and a computer the RAW general manager? This has to be the most exciting rivalry on Monday Night Raw! It’s so pleasing that Edge even took the time to have this mysterious GM interviewed on The Cutting Edge – and I must say, that I am impressed that the GM showed bravado, and agreed to be interrogated. However, a computer had to “electronically transmit” the GM’s voice “so as to keep his identity a secret” (much to my irritation). This just about exposed our ears to the most irritating sound ever heard from a device. If it weren’t for that, my endless guesses would have been over.

With all those said, let’s get this debate going!

Edge I think it’s time to ask the first question. I need to ask you exactly, RAW GM, why are you such a spineless coward? (yes, I WONDER why)

GM Why are you such a moron? I remain anonymous to protect my identity. If people knew who I really was, it would change everything.

Edge Okay, first of all, that’s the worst voice ever. Second of all, I thought you were Stone Cold Steve Austin, or, or The Rock, or maybe Shawn Michaels, or Bob Barker. Judging from your decision-making, you’re Lindsay Lohan after another bender. The only thing I know is, whoever you are, you are a big fat liar. (mm-hm!)

GM Seriously, Edge, you hurt my feelings. Why do you have to hate, yo? I try to make peace with you but you clearly don’t want that. You want a confrontation. Why? Why do you despise me so?

Edge Why do you despise me? Why do you keep interfering in my business? Why – why am I arguing with a computer? We’ve gone from Stone Cold stunning, Mr. McMahon on RAW to Edge arguing with a computer. You know what? That’s it. I’m just gonna go ask Chris Jericho exactly who you are. (wtf? You can do that all along?)

GM Jericho is nothing. He knows nothing. However, I know a lot of things like your opponent right now. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Edge Ha ha, I don’t have an opponent tonight. You know what? I talk to people. I’m sick of talking to an overgrown speaking spell.

But the GM did give Edge an opponent, and eventually, Cena did have Edge beat. But this whole thing just wasn’t going to end there. Because…

HOLY CRAP - TOP THAT!

That’s right, GM! It was Edge who prevailed and had the last laugh after all.

Also, I would like to print out this retraction. Obviously, Michael Cole cannot be at two places at the same time, so I better cross him out of my list as most likely to be the new GM. No direct apologies to Cole, though, until I find out just exactly who this GM is. And also because I don’t like him that much.

Sherlock Sleuthing 1: Results Are In!

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A few of you have submitted comments and opinions on who you think is The Undertaker’s injurer. You sure gave me a few ideas of my own. But it was only last Sunday when we found out who the real perpetrator is. I don’t know what point I am trying to impose since the result is somewhat obvious. But anyway, it still feels right doing so, therefore, if you were a hundred and one percent sure that it was The Big Red Monster, Kane who put The Phenom in a vegetative state before you even got to watch Summerslam, then, you got that right!!! Here’s your prize (I apologize if I can only give you the virtual version – life works normally this way).

You know how much I love Kane and his words. So let’s hear what he has to say about his (what others may say) “appalling” actions at Summerslam.

When the devil removed himself from heaven and earth, he left behind seven deadly sins. Of these seven, my favorite, and always will be, is the sin of pride. You see, big brother, it was your pride that weakened your powers over your decades of destruction. It was your pride that allowed me to put you in a vegetative state. Because of your pride, I knew you would come back before you were ready. and ultimately, because of your pride, I was able to drop you on your head at Summerslam. Do you remember when it all began? Do you remember how your downward spiral, your journey from immortality to that mangled wreck that I left in this ring this past Sunday, do you remember how it started, brother? For years, I was nothing more than just some vague memory on the back of your mind. But when you saw me again for the first time, the look in your eyes told the story. It was the story of an older, self-serving brother who was obsessed with the pride of keeping the spotlight all to himself and keeping me in his shadow forever. Everything that I did in those early years, you were able to overcome. Instead of destroying your legend, I made it greater. When you set me on fire, I knew that it was my influence that forced the dark side to the limit. It took your little brother to separate you from your last suspicion of humanity. It was your most magnificent moment! That’s when I knew what I had to do. That’s when my master plan was set in motion. With every victory, your collection of souls grew. But so did your weakness. I watched. And i waited. And even in victory, it was clear that you were losing your grip. Ha-ha-ha. But the day that you forced me to remove my mask and show the world my true face was the day that you unleashed the monster capable of finally ending your reign of darkness. When we met for the second time on the grandest stage of them all, the time was not right. But the plan continued to evolve. You see, I know you better than anyone, brother. I positioned myself at your right hand so I could gain your confidence. And even then, I watched, and I waited. You see, our reunion, it was nothing more than a vehicle from my vengeance. I knew no matter how many times you spent crashing down, You’d always get back up. Your pride forced you to get back up. But your pride would be your undoing. You see, while you were disgracing yourself, while you were allowing yourself to be betrayed by those beneath you, I was buying my time. And I knew that my time has finally come the moment that you showed Shawn Michaels an instance of mercy. You had a choice. You could destroy Shawn Michaels, or you could become one with your weakness. It was your decision that sealed your fate. Because I knew at that moment, the plan that I had hatched over a decade ago had finally come to permission. I knew last Sunday when i saw that shadow of your former self rise up out of that kind, when i felt your weak grip on my throat I knew that it was over. All the years of plotting, all the years of planning, all the years of waiting, all the years of watching in the shadows were finally at an end. I get my vengeance! Vengeance that had alluded me for so long. Ha-ha! And now, brother, the shadows in which I once labored, they’re cast upon you. And what was once your holy grail is now my World Heavyweight Championship. Undertaker, we used to be called The Brothers of Destruction. But now, you are nothing more than the brother I destroyed. for fifteen years, I dreamed of the day when The Phenom would be no more. For fifteen years, I relished the thought of being the dominant brother. For fifteen years, I knew that this day would come. I have dedicated my life to making this moment reality. The moment when my brother will be cast out with grave vengeance and buried in anger. And I will replace him as the devil’s favorite demon.

Dayum, I don’t even care what transgressed at Summerslam, Kane’s words are like poetry. They’re so good that I think I might even submit this to Shane for her declamation piece! Anyway, I appreciate all your comments. I hope you enjoy Kane as still being Heavyweight Champion. Two thumbs-up, Kane!

Sherlock Sleuthing 2: Who’s the Mystery RAW GM?

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Oh wow. I feel bad about posting my BRET entry. What a shocker on RAW. It turns out that Big Vince McMahon actually fired Bret Hart because of that incident, leaving RAW GM-less. But wait. THAT JUST POINTS TO ONE THING…

Who's that Pokemon?! It must be a daredevil.

Yes, Mr. McMahon has just announced the arrival of the new general manager of RAW! There’s a catch though: the new GM is the mysterious type and appears to be hiding behind a computer screen, where he can send orders via e-mail to Michael Cole, who’ll gladly dictate them to the whole world.

So who is this guest host, you ask? I myself don’t know. But here are the top suspects on my list. Who’s your bet?

1. Stone Cold Steve Austin

Well, McMahon hired Bret Hart. It just seems likely that Stone Cold be added to this list. After all, we haven’t seen him in years, and we all know that making surprises is his forte. Just imagine the pops that he’d be receiving if he were general manager of RAW… if only it isn’t that obvious, that is…

2. The Rock

Everybody loves The Rock! And we’re all just waiting for him to schedule a visit to WWE. Maybe now is the right time. Hollywood better not object.

3. Shawn Michaels and Triple H

In order for Shawn to not get screwed by Vince (as is the case with Bret Hart), Triple H should manage RAW with him. Besides, Triple H has been gone an awfully long time, and it would be fun to see Shawn in WWE again, even if he’s just behind the control panels. It probably sounds unrealistic, but at least either one of them is a suspect.

4. JBL

Of course, who better to manage the RAW rosters other than John Bradshaw Layfield, the self-proclaimed “Wrestling God” himself? It’s very probable. I’m starting to miss that loud mouth of his.

5. Michael Cole

Well he has the laptop.

It’s going to be disappointing, I know, but Cole is the most connected guy WWE can get. Besides, he’s been acting like some big guy lately. Really annoying.

Other options include the McMahon family and all the other legends whom we haven’t heard from in recent years.