Tag Archives: Sheamus

Muppet Sightings!

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The Muppets came to RAW this week, which, I think, was one of the best things that happened on the show. If you missed the show, here are a few Muppet sightings that cannot be missed.

  • Miss Piggy calling Jack Swagger “Frankenstein”
  • Kermit assuming Vickie Guerrero to be Jack Swagger’s “mother”
  • An “Excuse Me” with matching chest-shoving bout between the original diva, Miss Piggy and Vickie Guerrero
  • Kelly Kelly planting a smooch on Kermit while Miss Piggy grew livid
  • Sheamus saving Beaker from Christian
  • Sheamus asking Beaker to say hi to a certain Aunt Teresa because he “can’t make the family reunion this year” (we always knew it)
  • Christian still carrying Beaker’s beaker when he was already walking away from the scene
  • SHEAMUS STYLING BEAKER’S HAIR SHEAMUS-STYLE!
  • Statler and Waldorf getting exclusive seats on RAW (and Michael Cole getting repulsed by their uncanny likeness to King and JR)
  • Gonzo getting his arm pulled out by Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero’s evil laughter haunting behind)
  • Fozzie believing that he had seen a wrestler so huge that he has his own zip code
  • Animal as special timekeeper was so cute!
  • Beaker finally handing Santino the “special formula” that Dr. Bunsen Honeydew concocted, allowing Santino to win his match against Swagger
  • HORNSWOGGLE GETTING A MOVE ON MISS PIGGY
  • Cody Rhodes bagging Kermit the Frog
  • Miss Piggy checking out John Morrison’s six-pack

And so much more. Great turn of events for RAW this week. John Cena even got to take home a Scream mask after all. But, my favorite was when CM Punk locked the Anaconda Vise on Alberto del Rio after informing del Rio that he, in fact will. He’s an awesome man, that CM Punk.

Alberto, I need you to comprehend this. I know you’re a little discombobulated right now, but I need you to process what’s about to happen to you. What’s about to happen to you is I’m going to ask you a question. It’s a simple yes or no answer, but I have a feeling that you are going to say yes because prior to me asking you this question, I’m going to twist you like a pretzel into a move that I’d like to call the Anaconda Vise so are you with me? Can you hear me? And I’m not gonna let go until you say yes or si to giving me my match at Survivor Series.

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Would You Like Some WWE Merchandise with That, Sir?

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It makes me kewl doing this.

Yea, 'cause it's kewl like that.

Looking for WWE merchandise in my country will frustrate you. I don’t know about the adults but for teens like me, yes, it gets a little discouraging. They’re nowhere to be found. And if I do know where to unearth some (which, presently, I don’t), they’re either too far from where I am situated or they cost unjustly high. T-shirts are the ones that are gravely absent. I have three, but all of them are just customized. With my highly-increased love for WWE, of course, by now you’d assume that I want an original. The only chance I have of getting them is by ordering online – and I don’t even have any of that card shit. The ‘rents are satisfied with my love for wrestling (at least it’s not drugs, right?), but unless they stop tapering you down with those piercing, inquisitive pairs of eyes, I’d say that borrowing from the authorities of this house would also seem unlikely – if that’s what you’re suggesting.

The other day, as I was strolling around the department store for my usual window-shopping, I actually found a rack of WWE T-shirts. Akin to the ones I have, they were custom-made as well – with irritating pictures of Batista (who everyone in my country loves for some reason unknown to me) at the front. And here’s the sadder part: they were at the little boys’ section. Then way over there, just across the room were UFC T-shirts, intended for the bigger men. I grieve at the remembrance of it. And most salespeople actually find it outlandish every time I sort through these T-shirts or inquire about them. Some time though, at the mall, while I was wearing my Edge T-shirt (yes, the one I got on our Christmas party), I passed by this college guy who was sporting a Randy Orton T-shirt. An Authentic Randy Orton T-shirt. I was awed by that individual’s presence, and tainted with mine. I’d suppose that he perhaps had it ordered online.

Then there’s WWE Magazine. Having started my collection at the age of eleven, I could say that I have plenty of them now. Back then, I used to purchase them at this store who vend on damned prices. And the prices vary to – depending on I don’t know what. Two weeks’ savings would easily go out only for those publications. The shop closed down, just so you know. No one’s buying there anyway apart from me. I thought that that was the end of my collection until I found a bookstore that was sold the magazines at a reasonable charge. They were back issues – nevertheless, there began my back issue mania. I was addicted. It wasn’t long before the bookstore stopped selling WWE Magazines. I was distraught. For a while, I was contented with just the television and the Internet, until just the other day when I went to that bookstore once more – and saw the June 2009 issue of WWE Magazine on display! I honestly thought that my magazines were back. I searched and I searched. And I searched. And I searched. And then I finally asked the clerk. And he told me the most upsetting thing: that the one on display is the only WWE Magazine they have. And the worse part was that I already have that. And that they’re selling the magazines ten pesos higher.

The VCD’s and DVD’s also seemed to have gone. I used to buy the pay-per-views on VCD. But I can’t find them wherever anymore. And the books are also painful to think about because unless you choose to travel an hour or more to the big cities and bigger malls (with your parents of course since you are only fifteen), you wouldn’t get to discover Shawn Michaels’s Heartbreak and Triumph or Mick Foley’s The Hardcore Diaries. And even then, you’d still be spending a month’s allowance on just one book. I’ve never tried it (every time I endeavor to do so, one of my travel companions will be bothered with my choice). The same goes for the action figures. Even though the toys have been outdated, I’m wholly at ease with my benefactor. I only wish though that they had Sheamus and CM Punk back in 2004. Maybe then I would have a likelihood of receiving them one of these days.

So it appears that the only things I can get effortlessly are pins/buttons. Miniature, ugly, custom-built pins bearing hazy images of WWE superstars or divas. They usually sell those at my school – with another unreasonable price, might I add. And people would constantly gaze at me funny every time I take a look at those buttons – which is also one thing I dislike. Once, in Computer Class, I searched Google for pictures of Randy Orton (then Edge, then CM Punk) for my desktop background. I got a lot of stares from the people around me. Then I realized, that, of course, wrestlers are half-naked. And we all know how conservative we all are. The same thing happened when I first got my action figures. My Randy figure only has a shirt and his wrestling gear; my Flair figure only has his gear on. So, yes, they pretty much drew a lot of attention. Really, try showing them a picture of a guy in boxer shorts – no one’s going to freak out. But try showing them a picture such as this
– a lot will be freaked out. Sigh.

The sad fact is that: people in my school always think it eerie that girls can also be fond of the sport of wrestling. Heck, every time they learn that I like wrestling, they suddenly pop in the “Isn’t that scripted?” question. Well, screw you; I like it the way it is – regardless. Some, on the other hand would snide that WWE was a 2005 thing. Well, for you it is because you’re grandparents cut off your cable when you were nine years old so now you never get to watch it anymore. It’s still airing, in case you are perfectly oblivious to that fact. And then there are those guys, who used to watch WWE, and upon learning that I like wrestling, would try to “discuss”, and ask how Steve Austin and Goldberg are. WTF?!

So, seeing that this blog entry has gone deeper and faraway than I had intended it to be, I think it best that I stop. Aside from online friends and wrestling blogs, I am pretty much looking at a shithole, anyway, so there’s no point of making points. One of these days, I will get what I want. I already have the resources, I just need action. I can see that that WWE merchandise is just a hand away.

Slammy’s, Tumblr and Preoccupation

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Edge and Christian make me extremely happy. Their meet at the Slammy’s was highly amusing. Edge didn’t like his award. Christian thought del Rio should have received it. This photo is too beautiful to just keep on my Tumblr account. D’oh, yes, I have a Tumblr account now. For months, I’ve been haunted with the decision of creating an account as such. Bet seems to get the hang of it. I, on the other hand, didn’t seem to know what I’d put in it once I do get an account. But soon enough, I found the light. My motive for that one is to post photos of past and current WWE heels, just for the heck of it. It’s sort of fascinating actually. I gained around twenty-five followers on the first two days that I started. I like my first days in Tumblr.

But I love this blog.

And I wrote that with a straight face. Can you imagine saying/writing the word ‘love’ with a straight face? That’s badass.

Here is the list of winners for the 2010 Slammy Awards (it’s ages late, I know):

  • Superstar of the Year: John Cena (wow, *big surprise* there, buddy – considering that it’s been a hellacious year for you. Have I mentioned that he got fired?)
  • Diva of the Year: Michelle McCool (what happened to the “Lay” part? >_>)
  • WWE Moment of the Year: The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XXVI
  • WWE “Oh Snap” Meltdown of the Year: Edge destroys the anonymous GM’s computer
  • Shocker of the Year: The Nexus debuts
  • Despicable Me Award: CM Punk sings Happy Birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter
  • Holy %&^*%& of the Year: John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment on Batista through the stage
  • Guest Star Shining Moment: Pee-wee Herman vs. The Miz (REALLY INFINITY, ftw!!!!!1111!!!11!!!1!)
  • Knucklehead Moment of the Year: Lay-Cool gets beat by Mae Young
  • WWE Universe Fan Reaction: “Angry Miz Girl” Cayley (lucky kid. She’s already appeared on RAW TWICE)
  • “And I Quote…” Line of the Year: Michael Cole (I’m sure)

And here are the supplementary awards that I think you should also know of:

  • Best Performance by a Winged Specimen: Monday Night Raw chicken
  • Most Menacing Haircut: Tyler Reks
  • Best Family Values: Kane destroys Jack Swagger Sr. as his son looks on
  • Superstar/Diva Most in Need of Makeup: Sheamus (hey, now Sheamus has an award!)
  • The “Cole in Your Stocking” Award: Daniel Bryan attacks Michael Cole on WWE NXT (I love that. We had a blog entry for that. c:)
  • Outstanding Achievement in Baby Oil Application: “Dashing” Cody Rhodes (not Randy Orton?! D:)
  • Frequent Tweeter Award: Goldust
  • Best WWE.com Exclusive TV Show: WWE NXT (What?! RAW was robbed!)
  • Most Annoying Catchphrase: Zack Ryder for “Woo, woo, woo, you know it.” (which is NOT really annoying)

It’s a Shame for Fame

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Since RAW‘s mystery GM gave Sheamus, the ever so foolish option of choosing his opponent for Night of Champions, The Celtic Warrior was all eyes on the matches that his possible opponents contested in that night. Simultaneously, I was also placing bets on my favorites. I assume you were doing the same thing. But who did Sheamus pick as the number one contender for his WWE gold? Is it:

  1. Edge
  2. Chris Jericho
  3. Randy Orton
  4. John Cena
  5. Wade Barrett

Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

Okay, pencil’s up! The correct answer is…

None of the above! It was actually The Long Island Loudmouth, Zack-Attack, Zack Ryder! Woo, woo woo! You know it.

Anyway, this event only led to Chris Jericho, Edge, John Cena, Randy Orton, and Sheamus beating up Wade Barrett, which really wasn’t half as worse as what The Nexus had done in the past month. Not really very entertaining.

Wrestling 101 Courtesy of Batista Part II

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I can’t believe so many things can happen in just one night! After the many, many, many injuries acquired from such matches at Over the Limit, RAW kicks off with the pained Batista, who again will be our trusty adviser in this edition of Wrestling 101. Oh sauveur, we will be utterly lost without your guidance.


*All bolded words in the following proclamation were stated by RAW announcer, Justin Roberts.

Last night, Batista said two words that I never ever thought would come out of my mouth: I quit. But I said that because my life was being threatened. So because of John Cena’s malicious actions, I’m contemplating – I’m contemplating filing a lawsuit against John Cena. Also against the WWE. And also, against every fan in the WWE Universe for supporting what happened to me! That’s not the way a championship match is supposed to happen! Duct tape. Getting thrown off of cars. Yeah I can stoop on John Lena – John Cena’s low level. But I believe in something called honor. So now, because of multiple injuries, I’m out for weeks, months, maybe years! That’s, that’s not right. That’s not right. Cheer now ’cause I’ll be back healthier then ever, stronger than ever, and one way or another, John Cena is going to give me a rematch! I deserve a rematch! I’m entitled to a rematch! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN Hey! Hey! I HAVE JUST BEEN ASKED TO INTRODUCE TO YOU Why’d you interrupt me? THE NEW GENERAL MANAGER OF MONDAY NIGHT RAW What’s happening? BRET “THE HITMAN” HART!

Badass Bret manages to enter the ring and assign Batista to a match against Randy Orton that night. But because our adviser was on a wheelchair (“What’s your malfunction [Bret Hart]?”), and had been explaining about his injury, Mr. Hart easily proclaimed the match a forfeit. Winner: Randy Orton! Then like Anton Ego, he walks out without another word. Well, he did manage to make Batista do just one more thing…

This show is nothing without me! That’s right, it’s nothing without me! It will go bankrupt without me! All of you will be so bored you’ll never watch this show again! You all pay to see me! You think I won’t quit? You think I won’t do it?!

I QUIT!

Hilarious. Genuinely, I’ll miss The Animal though.

Other amusing things that happened on RAW:

  • Bret Hart making the Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. John Cena match (in where Edge made it clear, “I’m a better Canadian than both of you!”)
  • Sexy Sheamus beating Mark Henry to be part of the WWE Championship Match at Fatal Fourway.
  • Randy Orton qualifying for Fatal Fourway without even doing anything!
  • Bret Hart putting his newly-won US title up for grabs.
  • R-Truth becomes the new United States Champion (remember when he got pyroed in the MacGruber episode?).
  • Mystery trio making an ambush on The Hart Dynasty.
  • Ted DiBiase on Jon Lovitz’s WWE Superstar Search!
  • Daniel Bryan stomping on Michael Cole. Again, wrong show. And that was last week!

Class dismissed.