Tag Archives: The Miz

Why I Boycott Jack TV

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It’s summer again.

You might be wondering where I’ve been.

I graduated. From high school. That suck of an institution, in reality. Been on a Stephen King frenzy. I’ve only really read him last summer, but it seems that all I want to do now is buy all his works. I just finished Different Seasons, and I’m just starting in on Blaze. I’d probably proceed to Dolores Claiborne. I don’t know what’s up with me. Don’t know what’s up with this blog. Or with music. Or with today’s literature. Or even with wrestling.

That last one strikes such a bad chord. Two months ago, Jack TV removed WWE from their network. At first, it was just a “satellite-thing”. But then weeks piled up and everyone lost all hope. You should see their Facebook page – it is completely littered with WWE fans ranting about the loss of the program and the establishment of seemingly suckish shows that could never get Jack ratings. 

I don’t think Jack TV will bring back WWE. With Walking Dead, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Family Guy on their team, I’m rooting for FOX now. They already released a teaser for WWE. I’ve been rather hopeful. But it’s taking too long. Yesterday, out of sentimental reasons, I actually turned the pages of my December 2010 copy of the WWE Magazine to the Body Shop and worked out like Dolph Ziggler, thinking, I just want to watch wrestling on my goddamn cable, goddamnit.

Anyway, I’m keeping track of the events that I have missed since WWE was unjustly torn off my cable. Lots of props to Jack TV for this.

 

Whatever happened to Eve and Zack Ryder?

The Miz on Psych

HBK’s “return”

Santino Marella winning the United States Championship

CENA/ROCK BATTLE

PUNK/JERICHO WAR

Eve’s heel turn, of course

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny

UNDERTAKER VS. TRIPLE H VS. HBK

WRESTLEfuckingMANIA!!121212!!@@!@!@!!!

Lord Tensai?

BROCK LESNAR’S RETURN

That’s about it. Fuck Jack TV.

 

 

AND HERE ARE YOUR CHAMPIONS…!!!

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First thing Monday morning – I turned on the television to Jack TV’s live telecast of WWE TLC. I have to wonder why Dre would want to pass up on it. I thought the lineup was good. John Cena wasn’t on the show, which was odd because before, a lot of people – and I mean A LOT – paid good money to see him in the main events. Anyway, with that quick verity in check, I put the telly on display like I would a radio, heard the Philippines mentioned by Michael Cole, and in a span of three hours, we had our CHAMPIONS crowned.

Very likely.

1. United States Champion (Woo-nited States Champion): Zack Ryder

Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder. This match. Zack’s kewl and Dolph’s sexy. I like both guys, so I found the match rather interesting. Not to mention, the fans in Baltimore were totally hyped the entire night. I remember retweeting Zack’s “@DolphZiggler Tonight at TLC I will #fistpumpyourface” before the show began. There would have been a riot had Zack lost. So who better come out victorious but the Long Island Iced Z himself, Zack Ryder? WOO WOO WOO YOU KNOW IT BRO!!! It takes sheer hardwork and one social media revolution to make this well-deserved Crimmus miracle happen. Here’s Zack’s dad telling the whole world of how proud he is of our favorite new US champion. So are we, Papa Broski.

2. WWE Tag Team Champions: Air Boom

I did appreciate Michael Cole dictating a rundown of why Air Boom was bound to face Primo and Epico at TLC because I really have no clue how this happened. Did this all set in motion in SmackDown! (because I’m not much of a SmackDown!-guy)? I’m guessing that I just haven’t been paying much attention to the tag team division these days. We need more, please. Anyway, heard Air Boom’s great. Hooray, Kofi and Evan!

3. Divas Champion: Beth Phoenix

THAT’S RIGHT, YOU GO SISTAH! And was it just me or were Kelly Kelly fans completely dead during this match? Whatever. We all love Beth, and Beth’s fans are solid, yo. Hope she stays champion for the longest time because she’s amazing and because I wouldn’t want any of Kelly’s cohorts as champions. Eve better turn on the dark side because I like her as well, and WE JUST CAN’T HAVE HER NEXT TO KELLYasdfghjkl;

4. World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan

I really like Bryan Danielson and his massive Internet fanbase. Shame on you Michael Cole because here is your Heavyweight Champion!!!111! That’s right! And just so you know, I never paid attention to the Big Show vs. Mark Henry match until Bryan Danielson’s entrance song came up, and I found him running to the ring with his MITB briefcase. And just like that, SHOW’S OVER – even though he never really cashed in the briefcase at Wrestlemania like he said he would. But hey, plans change, it happens all the time. Hooray for Daniel Bryan and ha-ha on those who thought he could never make it as far. I smell a giant under loose for the title though.

5. Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes

What the hell. He had a match?! I’M KEPT IN THE DARK!

6. WWE Champion: CM Punk

Well la-di-da. Of course, here is your WWE Champion, CM PUNK. Best match of the night, in my opinion. I mean, he was handcuffed twice – and one of those was to a turnbuckle – and he escaped BOTH times! It was a brutal match. And Punk survived it all. And he’s STILL our WWE Champion, so ha-ha on you and your dethronement attempts, Funkman. And with this, CM Punk leads a revolution with his friends.

So what’s going to happen when you’ve got two so-called “indy schmucks” on top of the WWE food chain? Seeing the main event picture on last night’s RAW made me guffaw just a bit. On one side, we had CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Zack Ryder, and on another were Miz, Del Rio, and Dolph Ziggler. So… this is what had become of the WWE. Very nice. I have a feeling that we’re not going to see much of the Cena’s and Triple H’s and Rock’s in the season.

Kudos to independent wrestling. NYWC. ROH. GLORY. Take over.

SHUT UP, MICHAEL COLE.

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I can’t stand you.

I favor heels most of the time, yet I can’t stand you.


In the WWE, there are always two sides of the coin: the face (the good guy) and the heel (the bad guy). Well I guess there are also tweeners and neutrals, but they can take the edge of the coin. Unless you don’t want them beautiful men who make very good points, I suggest you pick the primarily mentioned. I, for one, have always favored heels. Up until last year, I never thought that I would ever dislike a heel, but that all changed when NXT started airing. Out of the blue, there came a repetitive voice putting up boorish remarks at the commentator’s table, and it just kept getting worse and even louder each week. And indeed, it was no one other than Michael Cole. I never liked Michael Cole as a face, and I certainly never like him more now as heel. Then, it was okay for everybody to make fun of him and he was nice about it, and it was entertaining. But now, I hear him each week and it’s been a pain in the ass so far. I always feel as though I should turn down the volume of the TV every time I watch RAW because I am annoyed hearing him brag about his accomplishments as the “Voice of the WWE” and how he stands up with alacrity every time The Miz comes out to the ring. He claps and praises and does every other annoying thing. He then discourages Jerry Lawler, telling King that he’ll never be champion for as long as he’s in the WWE and all that shit. It’s not that I’m such a big fan of King and that I expect him to win always. It’s the putting-off part that really frustrates me. He talks about his fellow commentators wanting the spotlight for themselves; how cunning and greedy they are – when, in fact, he’s just referring to himself. Like, if there’s a microphone there, he should grab it, but he’s on lapel anyway, so he doesn’t have to. Just dab and talk and complain and do whatever else he can with his voice. My dislike for him of course only tells me that perhaps he is a really great heel for giving me that irate emotion. Well, sure, there’s always that thought, but sometimes, I also never know what being a heel is anymore. And in his case, I can no longer tell the difference between a heel and pesky suck-up sycophant. I feel that if he just shuts up for a second, it will be okay to watch RAW. Sometimes, he’d comment on a match as he always did before NXT came along, and it’d feel great because I really miss that monotony of his. I truly, sincerely wish that he’s not in every WWE show, and that it were JR there, and not him next, to King. He dubs himself as a very important figure in the WWE, but for some reason, I find that untrue. I sometimes wonder, with all the shenanigans he is causing, if ‘quitting his job’ is part of his bucket list, and if he’s about to check that one soon. If it is, I wonder how much sooner I am going to wait.

Slammy’s, Tumblr and Preoccupation

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Edge and Christian make me extremely happy. Their meet at the Slammy’s was highly amusing. Edge didn’t like his award. Christian thought del Rio should have received it. This photo is too beautiful to just keep on my Tumblr account. D’oh, yes, I have a Tumblr account now. For months, I’ve been haunted with the decision of creating an account as such. Bet seems to get the hang of it. I, on the other hand, didn’t seem to know what I’d put in it once I do get an account. But soon enough, I found the light. My motive for that one is to post photos of past and current WWE heels, just for the heck of it. It’s sort of fascinating actually. I gained around twenty-five followers on the first two days that I started. I like my first days in Tumblr.

But I love this blog.

And I wrote that with a straight face. Can you imagine saying/writing the word ‘love’ with a straight face? That’s badass.

Here is the list of winners for the 2010 Slammy Awards (it’s ages late, I know):

  • Superstar of the Year: John Cena (wow, *big surprise* there, buddy – considering that it’s been a hellacious year for you. Have I mentioned that he got fired?)
  • Diva of the Year: Michelle McCool (what happened to the “Lay” part? >_>)
  • WWE Moment of the Year: The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XXVI
  • WWE “Oh Snap” Meltdown of the Year: Edge destroys the anonymous GM’s computer
  • Shocker of the Year: The Nexus debuts
  • Despicable Me Award: CM Punk sings Happy Birthday to Rey Mysterio’s daughter
  • Holy %&^*%& of the Year: John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment on Batista through the stage
  • Guest Star Shining Moment: Pee-wee Herman vs. The Miz (REALLY INFINITY, ftw!!!!!1111!!!11!!!1!)
  • Knucklehead Moment of the Year: Lay-Cool gets beat by Mae Young
  • WWE Universe Fan Reaction: “Angry Miz Girl” Cayley (lucky kid. She’s already appeared on RAW TWICE)
  • “And I Quote…” Line of the Year: Michael Cole (I’m sure)

And here are the supplementary awards that I think you should also know of:

  • Best Performance by a Winged Specimen: Monday Night Raw chicken
  • Most Menacing Haircut: Tyler Reks
  • Best Family Values: Kane destroys Jack Swagger Sr. as his son looks on
  • Superstar/Diva Most in Need of Makeup: Sheamus (hey, now Sheamus has an award!)
  • The “Cole in Your Stocking” Award: Daniel Bryan attacks Michael Cole on WWE NXT (I love that. We had a blog entry for that. c:)
  • Outstanding Achievement in Baby Oil Application: “Dashing” Cody Rhodes (not Randy Orton?! D:)
  • Frequent Tweeter Award: Goldust
  • Best WWE.com Exclusive TV Show: WWE NXT (What?! RAW was robbed!)
  • Most Annoying Catchphrase: Zack Ryder for “Woo, woo, woo, you know it.” (which is NOT really annoying)

Who Earned Their Bragging Rights?

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I’ve been watching WWE Bragging Rights for at least three times now – one of which was cut short because of this certain TV network’s temporary loss of signal. >___> Brand vs. Brand pay-per-views are always so intriguing; I never miss any. I am surprised, by the way, that there would still be a Survivor Series. But to heck with it: the more the merrier! Here are the things that you may actually check out if ever you get the chance to watch (and enjoy) Bragging Rights:

  • Aksana flirting with Ted DiBiase.
  • Goldust still taking home (he stole it, actually. I love you, Dustin) the Million Dollar Championship.
  • Dolph Ziggler losing (that’s right) to Daniel Bryan (from the immortal words of Matt Striker, “it’s in your face”, Michael Cole).
  • John Cena and David Otunga actually teaming up against Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre for the Tag Team Gold.
  • John Cena and David Otunga actually winning the Tag Team Championships.
  • David Otunga celebrating his heart out.
  • John Cena giving David Otunga the AA.
  • Edge pinning The Miz to end the SmackDown! vs. RAW match.
  • SmackDown! receiving the Bragging Rights trophy.
  • Rey Mysterio, Edge and Hornswoggle rejoicing in the ring.
  • Matt Striker rejoicing by the announcer’s table.
  • Surprisingly, the Buried Alive Match was obsolete.
  • John Cena on Wade Barrett’s side against Orton.
  • John Cena getting Wade Barrett disqualified on the WWE Championship Match.
  • Randy Orton giving John Cena the RKO.

Happy Halloween, people! And belated Happy Birthday to Edge!

Goodbye; Hello

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Because of last week’s (as some pro-GM’s would put it) “horrible” display of Edge beating down a laptop, the general manager has become terribly afraid of the Rated R Superstar, that he decided it be best to clear out his computer voice, and have Michael Cole do all the dirty work again. This incident rather gave Michael CTheole strange idea that he is now the voice of the WWE. And I believe that it cannot be anyone else – especially not him – aside from good ole Jim Ross.

The GM, though, showed more cowardice this Monday night when he called out Edge to the ring via Michael Cole, and asked the Rated R Superstar for a public apology. Here’s what Edge had to say about it:

I’m not going to apologize for anything. In case you missed SmackDown! or Hell in a Cell, I’m on a personal crusade against all things stupid. And around here, in this show, there’s a lot of things that are stupid. A GM that rules via email – stupid. And, Michael Cole, you’ve been the personification of stupid since 1997. I would rather listen to a recording of JR than a live Michael Cole. Oh, and, RAW GM, whoever you are, wherever you are you think I got attitude now? Just wait until i become WWE Champion – then you’ll see some attitude.

I somehow have this notion that once Edge does become champion, he’d tear off the ‘PG’ in WWE PG. It sounds perfect, I know. All he has to do is win the Twenty-Man Over-the-Top-Rope Battle Royal later that evening. But nooo (D:<<), all my dreams were crushed when the GM announced that Edge wouldn’t even be included in the match. And why, you ask??? Because…

Edge is SmackDown!.

That’s right. I heard it. You heard it. Everyone heard it – right from the big, irritating mouth of Michael Cole. First Cena, and now Edge. I guess RAW wants to ruin itself. What’s done is done, and there you have it: the awful truth. With the words staring right through your very core. And what does Edge say about this?

You know what? Hallelujah! This is one of the greatest nights of my career. I no longer have to deal with a gutless GM, or hear this tool recite the single worse catchphrase in the history of the WWE: and i quote.

Edge eventually got jumped by The Miz (who actually thinks that Michael Cole is a “visionary”), and Alex Riley (whose sexuality I still question). But if Edge is happy, then hooblah! as well. At least now, I get to have a reason to watch SmackDown! each week. Since SES’s disbandment, the show has been dying so much so that even the main superstars are called “deadmen”.

And, I have finally found the winning team for Bragging Rights. Go SmackDown!

=DDDD