Tag Archives: The Rock

Why I Boycott Jack TV

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It’s summer again.

You might be wondering where I’ve been.

I graduated. From high school. That suck of an institution, in reality. Been on a Stephen King frenzy. I’ve only really read him last summer, but it seems that all I want to do now is buy all his works. I just finished Different Seasons, and I’m just starting in on Blaze. I’d probably proceed to Dolores Claiborne. I don’t know what’s up with me. Don’t know what’s up with this blog. Or with music. Or with today’s literature. Or even with wrestling.

That last one strikes such a bad chord. Two months ago, Jack TV removed WWE from their network. At first, it was just a “satellite-thing”. But then weeks piled up and everyone lost all hope. You should see their Facebook page – it is completely littered with WWE fans ranting about the loss of the program and the establishment of seemingly suckish shows that could never get Jack ratings. 

I don’t think Jack TV will bring back WWE. With Walking Dead, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Family Guy on their team, I’m rooting for FOX now. They already released a teaser for WWE. I’ve been rather hopeful. But it’s taking too long. Yesterday, out of sentimental reasons, I actually turned the pages of my December 2010 copy of the WWE Magazine to the Body Shop and worked out like Dolph Ziggler, thinking, I just want to watch wrestling on my goddamn cable, goddamnit.

Anyway, I’m keeping track of the events that I have missed since WWE was unjustly torn off my cable. Lots of props to Jack TV for this.

 

Whatever happened to Eve and Zack Ryder?

The Miz on Psych

HBK’s “return”

Santino Marella winning the United States Championship

CENA/ROCK BATTLE

PUNK/JERICHO WAR

Eve’s heel turn, of course

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny

UNDERTAKER VS. TRIPLE H VS. HBK

WRESTLEfuckingMANIA!!121212!!@@!@!@!!!

Lord Tensai?

BROCK LESNAR’S RETURN

That’s about it. Fuck Jack TV.

 

 

AND HERE ARE YOUR CHAMPIONS…!!!

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First thing Monday morning – I turned on the television to Jack TV’s live telecast of WWE TLC. I have to wonder why Dre would want to pass up on it. I thought the lineup was good. John Cena wasn’t on the show, which was odd because before, a lot of people – and I mean A LOT – paid good money to see him in the main events. Anyway, with that quick verity in check, I put the telly on display like I would a radio, heard the Philippines mentioned by Michael Cole, and in a span of three hours, we had our CHAMPIONS crowned.

Very likely.

1. United States Champion (Woo-nited States Champion): Zack Ryder

Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder. This match. Zack’s kewl and Dolph’s sexy. I like both guys, so I found the match rather interesting. Not to mention, the fans in Baltimore were totally hyped the entire night. I remember retweeting Zack’s “@DolphZiggler Tonight at TLC I will #fistpumpyourface” before the show began. There would have been a riot had Zack lost. So who better come out victorious but the Long Island Iced Z himself, Zack Ryder? WOO WOO WOO YOU KNOW IT BRO!!! It takes sheer hardwork and one social media revolution to make this well-deserved Crimmus miracle happen. Here’s Zack’s dad telling the whole world of how proud he is of our favorite new US champion. So are we, Papa Broski.

2. WWE Tag Team Champions: Air Boom

I did appreciate Michael Cole dictating a rundown of why Air Boom was bound to face Primo and Epico at TLC because I really have no clue how this happened. Did this all set in motion in SmackDown! (because I’m not much of a SmackDown!-guy)? I’m guessing that I just haven’t been paying much attention to the tag team division these days. We need more, please. Anyway, heard Air Boom’s great. Hooray, Kofi and Evan!

3. Divas Champion: Beth Phoenix

THAT’S RIGHT, YOU GO SISTAH! And was it just me or were Kelly Kelly fans completely dead during this match? Whatever. We all love Beth, and Beth’s fans are solid, yo. Hope she stays champion for the longest time because she’s amazing and because I wouldn’t want any of Kelly’s cohorts as champions. Eve better turn on the dark side because I like her as well, and WE JUST CAN’T HAVE HER NEXT TO KELLYasdfghjkl;

4. World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan

I really like Bryan Danielson and his massive Internet fanbase. Shame on you Michael Cole because here is your Heavyweight Champion!!!111! That’s right! And just so you know, I never paid attention to the Big Show vs. Mark Henry match until Bryan Danielson’s entrance song came up, and I found him running to the ring with his MITB briefcase. And just like that, SHOW’S OVER – even though he never really cashed in the briefcase at Wrestlemania like he said he would. But hey, plans change, it happens all the time. Hooray for Daniel Bryan and ha-ha on those who thought he could never make it as far. I smell a giant under loose for the title though.

5. Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes

What the hell. He had a match?! I’M KEPT IN THE DARK!

6. WWE Champion: CM Punk

Well la-di-da. Of course, here is your WWE Champion, CM PUNK. Best match of the night, in my opinion. I mean, he was handcuffed twice – and one of those was to a turnbuckle – and he escaped BOTH times! It was a brutal match. And Punk survived it all. And he’s STILL our WWE Champion, so ha-ha on you and your dethronement attempts, Funkman. And with this, CM Punk leads a revolution with his friends.

So what’s going to happen when you’ve got two so-called “indy schmucks” on top of the WWE food chain? Seeing the main event picture on last night’s RAW made me guffaw just a bit. On one side, we had CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Zack Ryder, and on another were Miz, Del Rio, and Dolph Ziggler. So… this is what had become of the WWE. Very nice. I have a feeling that we’re not going to see much of the Cena’s and Triple H’s and Rock’s in the season.

Kudos to independent wrestling. NYWC. ROH. GLORY. Take over.

“…And Boom! Goes the Dynamite”

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Because of the crappy gameplay Dead Frontiers laid out in front of me (I did enjoy that game for the first fifteen minutes, I’ll give you that), I went back to Fantage to kill time and to reduce the tension that has been gyrating in my head for the past three weeks. My decision actually worked out for me. It isn’t habit-forming anymore, but I found out that…

Pinata game results - at a party where I got invited to.

During a fashion show at Top Model's Inc.

… I never lost it, whatever ‘it’ may seem to be.

And you know who else, never lost it?

Yessiree, you got it: The Rock.

But never losing ‘it’ doesn’t entirely mean that I’m officially back at Fantage (find dcopperfield – I had aversions for Charles Dickens that time, don’t ask). Occasionally, maybe. Wondering if the Rock thinks the same thing.

Used to Go by Jackie

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I bought my very first WWE Authentic T-shirt today: a Just Bring It! The Rock T-shirt that cost me P299. It is incredible. I’ve always been a fan of Rocky’s showmanship and mic skills. I think he embodies the… Okay – I really only got a Rocky shirt because it is the last size-small shirt on the rack. That’s right. I was just about to leave the department store – and there it was – at the teenage boys’ section, of course. Don’t get me wrong, I almost cried my eyes for a CM Punk, but I would totally swim in the XL, which, by the way, was the only size they had of it. Be that as it may, I went home, placed a tack on my closet’s door and hung my ‘good-enough’ Bring It shirt for the world to see. Sweetest thing I ever saw.

So my week’s savings technically went to this shirt alone. I didn’t even have the spirit to buy a WWE Magazine that I saw at Booksale after that. And to think that I have been looking for one for quite a few months now. Anyway, I’m really supposed to be punishing myself for receiving a low grade in my maths. I don’t think I’m doing such a good job about it. Throwing money around as if they grow on trees? Old habits die hard.

On an unrelated note… So I strolled the mall with an aching heart and a phlegm-infested throat, with all my aspirations flushed down the toilet when suddenly my past came back to haunt me. Seven years hence and I can still recognize him, can still very much distinguish those features and discern the tone in his voice. Perhaps one of these days, I will go up to him. But just some day – when I’m certain that I will not be afraid. I still have a bit of figuring out to do.

* * *

I am 98% that it was you who I saw standing by the counter of National Bookstore debating over a set of items with your mother. You whom I have not personally heard from all these years simply because you do not want to go back, and because I am not too eager to get in touch. Although I cannot guarantee my surety and fathom the remaining two percent, I know that it was you. And I was but five feet away and you didn’t notice. And I could not bring myself to even say hi to you because I was too insecure with my pimply face and short physique (why had I not worn my Mendrez heels?). I don’t miss you – at least not as much as I did when I was ten. And I am assured that you don’t miss me either. But we aren’t little kids anymore. Whatever excruciating things we said to each other is past my memory now. We’ve grown. We’re here now, and maybe talking isn’t such a bad idea.

Edge vs. GM

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This is war.

So who would win in an argument between Edge and a computer the RAW general manager? This has to be the most exciting rivalry on Monday Night Raw! It’s so pleasing that Edge even took the time to have this mysterious GM interviewed on The Cutting Edge – and I must say, that I am impressed that the GM showed bravado, and agreed to be interrogated. However, a computer had to “electronically transmit” the GM’s voice “so as to keep his identity a secret” (much to my irritation). This just about exposed our ears to the most irritating sound ever heard from a device. If it weren’t for that, my endless guesses would have been over.

With all those said, let’s get this debate going!

Edge I think it’s time to ask the first question. I need to ask you exactly, RAW GM, why are you such a spineless coward? (yes, I WONDER why)

GM Why are you such a moron? I remain anonymous to protect my identity. If people knew who I really was, it would change everything.

Edge Okay, first of all, that’s the worst voice ever. Second of all, I thought you were Stone Cold Steve Austin, or, or The Rock, or maybe Shawn Michaels, or Bob Barker. Judging from your decision-making, you’re Lindsay Lohan after another bender. The only thing I know is, whoever you are, you are a big fat liar. (mm-hm!)

GM Seriously, Edge, you hurt my feelings. Why do you have to hate, yo? I try to make peace with you but you clearly don’t want that. You want a confrontation. Why? Why do you despise me so?

Edge Why do you despise me? Why do you keep interfering in my business? Why – why am I arguing with a computer? We’ve gone from Stone Cold stunning, Mr. McMahon on RAW to Edge arguing with a computer. You know what? That’s it. I’m just gonna go ask Chris Jericho exactly who you are. (wtf? You can do that all along?)

GM Jericho is nothing. He knows nothing. However, I know a lot of things like your opponent right now. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Edge Ha ha, I don’t have an opponent tonight. You know what? I talk to people. I’m sick of talking to an overgrown speaking spell.

But the GM did give Edge an opponent, and eventually, Cena did have Edge beat. But this whole thing just wasn’t going to end there. Because…

HOLY CRAP - TOP THAT!

That’s right, GM! It was Edge who prevailed and had the last laugh after all.

Also, I would like to print out this retraction. Obviously, Michael Cole cannot be at two places at the same time, so I better cross him out of my list as most likely to be the new GM. No direct apologies to Cole, though, until I find out just exactly who this GM is. And also because I don’t like him that much.

Sherlock Sleuthing 2: Who’s the Mystery RAW GM?

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Oh wow. I feel bad about posting my BRET entry. What a shocker on RAW. It turns out that Big Vince McMahon actually fired Bret Hart because of that incident, leaving RAW GM-less. But wait. THAT JUST POINTS TO ONE THING…

Who's that Pokemon?! It must be a daredevil.

Yes, Mr. McMahon has just announced the arrival of the new general manager of RAW! There’s a catch though: the new GM is the mysterious type and appears to be hiding behind a computer screen, where he can send orders via e-mail to Michael Cole, who’ll gladly dictate them to the whole world.

So who is this guest host, you ask? I myself don’t know. But here are the top suspects on my list. Who’s your bet?

1. Stone Cold Steve Austin

Well, McMahon hired Bret Hart. It just seems likely that Stone Cold be added to this list. After all, we haven’t seen him in years, and we all know that making surprises is his forte. Just imagine the pops that he’d be receiving if he were general manager of RAW… if only it isn’t that obvious, that is…

2. The Rock

Everybody loves The Rock! And we’re all just waiting for him to schedule a visit to WWE. Maybe now is the right time. Hollywood better not object.

3. Shawn Michaels and Triple H

In order for Shawn to not get screwed by Vince (as is the case with Bret Hart), Triple H should manage RAW with him. Besides, Triple H has been gone an awfully long time, and it would be fun to see Shawn in WWE again, even if he’s just behind the control panels. It probably sounds unrealistic, but at least either one of them is a suspect.

4. JBL

Of course, who better to manage the RAW rosters other than John Bradshaw Layfield, the self-proclaimed “Wrestling God” himself? It’s very probable. I’m starting to miss that loud mouth of his.

5. Michael Cole

Well he has the laptop.

It’s going to be disappointing, I know, but Cole is the most connected guy WWE can get. Besides, he’s been acting like some big guy lately. Really annoying.

Other options include the McMahon family and all the other legends whom we haven’t heard from in recent years.