Tag Archives: WWE Magazine

Why I Boycott Jack TV

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It’s summer again.

You might be wondering where I’ve been.

I graduated. From high school. That suck of an institution, in reality. Been on a Stephen King frenzy. I’ve only really read him last summer, but it seems that all I want to do now is buy all his works. I just finished Different Seasons, and I’m just starting in on Blaze. I’d probably proceed to Dolores Claiborne. I don’t know what’s up with me. Don’t know what’s up with this blog. Or with music. Or with today’s literature. Or even with wrestling.

That last one strikes such a bad chord. Two months ago, Jack TV removed WWE from their network. At first, it was just a “satellite-thing”. But then weeks piled up and everyone lost all hope. You should see their Facebook page – it is completely littered with WWE fans ranting about the loss of the program and the establishment of seemingly suckish shows that could never get Jack ratings. 

I don’t think Jack TV will bring back WWE. With Walking Dead, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Family Guy on their team, I’m rooting for FOX now. They already released a teaser for WWE. I’ve been rather hopeful. But it’s taking too long. Yesterday, out of sentimental reasons, I actually turned the pages of my December 2010 copy of the WWE Magazine to the Body Shop and worked out like Dolph Ziggler, thinking, I just want to watch wrestling on my goddamn cable, goddamnit.

Anyway, I’m keeping track of the events that I have missed since WWE was unjustly torn off my cable. Lots of props to Jack TV for this.

 

Whatever happened to Eve and Zack Ryder?

The Miz on Psych

HBK’s “return”

Santino Marella winning the United States Championship

CENA/ROCK BATTLE

PUNK/JERICHO WAR

Eve’s heel turn, of course

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny

UNDERTAKER VS. TRIPLE H VS. HBK

WRESTLEfuckingMANIA!!121212!!@@!@!@!!!

Lord Tensai?

BROCK LESNAR’S RETURN

That’s about it. Fuck Jack TV.

 

 

1. Favourite Wrestler While Growing Up

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This guy

I’m not even going to lie: Randy Orton. I was in love with this guy. He became the first WWE superstar that I ever got to encounter when one of his promo commercials came up on the USA network back in 2004. I was eight, I didn’t know a thing about wrestling, and I just went head over heels for him. Every time Randy Orton came out to the ring, I could not blink an eye. I felt obliged to watch all his matches and listen to his every word. I would bawl for a WWE Magazine that had Randy’s face on it. I was so infatuated, in fact, that when I was finally exposed to the online world, my internet life was left with histories of pages of Randy Orton photos and fan sites.

Back then, he played the cocky loudmouth member of Evolution. He was destined to be the future of the business. His promos were great because he really got under everyone else’s skin. All the girls loved him (I know I did), and the guys detested him. In the locker room, he was untouchable because he was part of a powerful stable. Perhaps eight years ago, it didn’t show, but Randy Orton was tough. I would always remember his Backlash 2004 match against Mick Foley. I was engrossed with it. He would land on tacks and barbed-wires, his help would be banned from ringside, and the result would require stitches to his beautiful face, but he won.

So yes, Randy wasn’t exactly the most quotable superstar or the most liked. In fact, many would regard him as a douchebag then, and he had his own share of scandals. But he was my favorite wrestler growing up for I got into watching wrestling because of him. Looking at him now, there is so much difference. He doesn’t have the loud, arrogant persona anymore; he has matured. And he has indeed realized his destiny. I’m not as thrilled anymore when he’s on TV, but I still like him. He’s okay.

Used to Go by Jackie

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I bought my very first WWE Authentic T-shirt today: a Just Bring It! The Rock T-shirt that cost me P299. It is incredible. I’ve always been a fan of Rocky’s showmanship and mic skills. I think he embodies the… Okay – I really only got a Rocky shirt because it is the last size-small shirt on the rack. That’s right. I was just about to leave the department store – and there it was – at the teenage boys’ section, of course. Don’t get me wrong, I almost cried my eyes for a CM Punk, but I would totally swim in the XL, which, by the way, was the only size they had of it. Be that as it may, I went home, placed a tack on my closet’s door and hung my ‘good-enough’ Bring It shirt for the world to see. Sweetest thing I ever saw.

So my week’s savings technically went to this shirt alone. I didn’t even have the spirit to buy a WWE Magazine that I saw at Booksale after that. And to think that I have been looking for one for quite a few months now. Anyway, I’m really supposed to be punishing myself for receiving a low grade in my maths. I don’t think I’m doing such a good job about it. Throwing money around as if they grow on trees? Old habits die hard.

On an unrelated note… So I strolled the mall with an aching heart and a phlegm-infested throat, with all my aspirations flushed down the toilet when suddenly my past came back to haunt me. Seven years hence and I can still recognize him, can still very much distinguish those features and discern the tone in his voice. Perhaps one of these days, I will go up to him. But just some day – when I’m certain that I will not be afraid. I still have a bit of figuring out to do.

* * *

I am 98% that it was you who I saw standing by the counter of National Bookstore debating over a set of items with your mother. You whom I have not personally heard from all these years simply because you do not want to go back, and because I am not too eager to get in touch. Although I cannot guarantee my surety and fathom the remaining two percent, I know that it was you. And I was but five feet away and you didn’t notice. And I could not bring myself to even say hi to you because I was too insecure with my pimply face and short physique (why had I not worn my Mendrez heels?). I don’t miss you – at least not as much as I did when I was ten. And I am assured that you don’t miss me either. But we aren’t little kids anymore. Whatever excruciating things we said to each other is past my memory now. We’ve grown. We’re here now, and maybe talking isn’t such a bad idea.

Would You Like Some WWE Merchandise with That, Sir?

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It makes me kewl doing this.

Yea, 'cause it's kewl like that.

Looking for WWE merchandise in my country will frustrate you. I don’t know about the adults but for teens like me, yes, it gets a little discouraging. They’re nowhere to be found. And if I do know where to unearth some (which, presently, I don’t), they’re either too far from where I am situated or they cost unjustly high. T-shirts are the ones that are gravely absent. I have three, but all of them are just customized. With my highly-increased love for WWE, of course, by now you’d assume that I want an original. The only chance I have of getting them is by ordering online – and I don’t even have any of that card shit. The ‘rents are satisfied with my love for wrestling (at least it’s not drugs, right?), but unless they stop tapering you down with those piercing, inquisitive pairs of eyes, I’d say that borrowing from the authorities of this house would also seem unlikely – if that’s what you’re suggesting.

The other day, as I was strolling around the department store for my usual window-shopping, I actually found a rack of WWE T-shirts. Akin to the ones I have, they were custom-made as well – with irritating pictures of Batista (who everyone in my country loves for some reason unknown to me) at the front. And here’s the sadder part: they were at the little boys’ section. Then way over there, just across the room were UFC T-shirts, intended for the bigger men. I grieve at the remembrance of it. And most salespeople actually find it outlandish every time I sort through these T-shirts or inquire about them. Some time though, at the mall, while I was wearing my Edge T-shirt (yes, the one I got on our Christmas party), I passed by this college guy who was sporting a Randy Orton T-shirt. An Authentic Randy Orton T-shirt. I was awed by that individual’s presence, and tainted with mine. I’d suppose that he perhaps had it ordered online.

Then there’s WWE Magazine. Having started my collection at the age of eleven, I could say that I have plenty of them now. Back then, I used to purchase them at this store who vend on damned prices. And the prices vary to – depending on I don’t know what. Two weeks’ savings would easily go out only for those publications. The shop closed down, just so you know. No one’s buying there anyway apart from me. I thought that that was the end of my collection until I found a bookstore that was sold the magazines at a reasonable charge. They were back issues – nevertheless, there began my back issue mania. I was addicted. It wasn’t long before the bookstore stopped selling WWE Magazines. I was distraught. For a while, I was contented with just the television and the Internet, until just the other day when I went to that bookstore once more – and saw the June 2009 issue of WWE Magazine on display! I honestly thought that my magazines were back. I searched and I searched. And I searched. And I searched. And then I finally asked the clerk. And he told me the most upsetting thing: that the one on display is the only WWE Magazine they have. And the worse part was that I already have that. And that they’re selling the magazines ten pesos higher.

The VCD’s and DVD’s also seemed to have gone. I used to buy the pay-per-views on VCD. But I can’t find them wherever anymore. And the books are also painful to think about because unless you choose to travel an hour or more to the big cities and bigger malls (with your parents of course since you are only fifteen), you wouldn’t get to discover Shawn Michaels’s Heartbreak and Triumph or Mick Foley’s The Hardcore Diaries. And even then, you’d still be spending a month’s allowance on just one book. I’ve never tried it (every time I endeavor to do so, one of my travel companions will be bothered with my choice). The same goes for the action figures. Even though the toys have been outdated, I’m wholly at ease with my benefactor. I only wish though that they had Sheamus and CM Punk back in 2004. Maybe then I would have a likelihood of receiving them one of these days.

So it appears that the only things I can get effortlessly are pins/buttons. Miniature, ugly, custom-built pins bearing hazy images of WWE superstars or divas. They usually sell those at my school – with another unreasonable price, might I add. And people would constantly gaze at me funny every time I take a look at those buttons – which is also one thing I dislike. Once, in Computer Class, I searched Google for pictures of Randy Orton (then Edge, then CM Punk) for my desktop background. I got a lot of stares from the people around me. Then I realized, that, of course, wrestlers are half-naked. And we all know how conservative we all are. The same thing happened when I first got my action figures. My Randy figure only has a shirt and his wrestling gear; my Flair figure only has his gear on. So, yes, they pretty much drew a lot of attention. Really, try showing them a picture of a guy in boxer shorts – no one’s going to freak out. But try showing them a picture such as this
– a lot will be freaked out. Sigh.

The sad fact is that: people in my school always think it eerie that girls can also be fond of the sport of wrestling. Heck, every time they learn that I like wrestling, they suddenly pop in the “Isn’t that scripted?” question. Well, screw you; I like it the way it is – regardless. Some, on the other hand would snide that WWE was a 2005 thing. Well, for you it is because you’re grandparents cut off your cable when you were nine years old so now you never get to watch it anymore. It’s still airing, in case you are perfectly oblivious to that fact. And then there are those guys, who used to watch WWE, and upon learning that I like wrestling, would try to “discuss”, and ask how Steve Austin and Goldberg are. WTF?!

So, seeing that this blog entry has gone deeper and faraway than I had intended it to be, I think it best that I stop. Aside from online friends and wrestling blogs, I am pretty much looking at a shithole, anyway, so there’s no point of making points. One of these days, I will get what I want. I already have the resources, I just need action. I can see that that WWE merchandise is just a hand away.

Wrestling 101 Courtesy of The Miz

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It started with Batista, followed by CM Punk, and now we have The Miz. That’s odd, it seems like our superstars want us to learn so much more about the business – they just keep coming in, like the new GM’s e-mails. The difference though, is that while this mysterious general manager irks me immensely, I learn a great deal from our teaching superstars. Here is a touching success story from The Miz. Jot down notes (I am sure you will be inspired).

My name is Mike Mizanin, and I have no right to be here. At least that’s what they told me six years ago when I first started. After all, I was the lowest form of life in the planet: a reality TV star, so it’s no surprise that in order to break out in the WWE, I had to start at the bottom. I had to start in a competition where I was a competitor on Tough Enough. Good looking guy, huh? Oh yeah. I did whatever I had to do to get a job here. So I became the host of SmackDown!. Instead of asking me to leave, you were telling me to leave. But I didn’t. I stuck around, and I won the Tag Team with John Morrison. And I thought I made it but no! You all said John Morrison was the star; I was just the sidekick. But we did split and what happened? Huh? What happened?! Anyone?! Anyone at all know?! I became the United States Champion! But that still wasn’t good enough for you. You all called it a fluke! Then what happened?! I’ll give you a hint: I won Money in the Bank, which leads me to this. Drum roll please.

You cant deny it. You can’t hide from it. You all watching right now here and on TV have no choice but to admit the fact that you are wrong. ‘Cause I’m The Miz, and I have earned – earned the right to say that I’m awesome!!!

It would have ended fine if Daniel Bryan hadn’t come out to challenge Miz at Night of Champions (aw, buzz-kill!). Things always seem to end badly with our teachers.

Class dismissed.

Mister Twister

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At the Supreme Open Call. I met a lot of interesting people. That guy in red, sitting next to me, is way awesome.

“I try to bring my own insanity to the announce table. Inside my head there’s this whirlwind of nonsense. People seem to enjoy my music preferences; I’ll drop a Smiths or Rush album title once in a while. I hope that everyone who hears me also hears that seven-year-old kid who’s still inside me having the time of his life.”

~Matt Striker
WWE Magazine, January 2010 issue: On his mouth for winning the 2009 Announcer of the Year WWE Magazine Award